Bit of advice sought;

[Sauce27]

Apologies for the posts to come, I can only attach 5 screenshots per post. I have left all personal information out for privacy.

Ive been in a rocky relationship for a year and a half and during which time, I’ve been rock bottom on occasions and made to feel so little worth about myself. I’ve been brandished; manipulating, controlling, aggressive, non-considerate, selfish, narcissistic, gaslighter….all the terms you can imagine and I’ve always thought of myself as a decent honest person. I’ve had friends try to pick me up telling me she’s got in my head and that I’m not guilty of those (I’m not perfect I’m sure I’ve made my share of mistakes too!) and I am at a stage where I am struggling to convince myself that i am none of these things or at least try not to be and it’s caused me depression and severe anxiety. I am looking for honest feedback as if it is indeed me, it’s something I’d want to work on although I’ve been so scared to confront her as everytime I do when I feel like she is exhibiting those behaivours I get blasted and put down a lot and it’s gotten to me to the point I’ve made myself ill. I’ve got many examples of conversations where I can share although I’d feel like I’m bombarding this forum so just gonna post the most recent one for now which ended in me being brandished a number of horrible four letter words and I’m being demanded to ‘fight’ to save the relationship and feel like I’m being expected to apologise and grovel where I don’t believe I caused it. If I am wrong I welcome peoples thoughts as I do this reluctantly with the aim of working on myself if it is indeed the case.

Apologies for the string of posts I’m not sure how else to present the images;

Me: Green messages
Them: Grey

[Sauce27]

[Sauce27]

[Julia]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a tough time in your relationship. It's never easy when things get complicated, and emotions start taking a toll on your well-being. First off, let me say that your feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge the impact a challenging relationship can have on your mental health.

It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of negativity and harsh words, which is undeniably hurtful. Feeling branded with terms like manipulative, controlling, aggressive, and narcissistic is no joke, and it can really mess with your self-esteem. It's tough when people around you, even friends, start questioning your character based on someone else's perception. Trust me, you're not alone in feeling this way.

One thing I want to emphasize is the importance of maintaining your own sense of identity and self-worth. It's so easy to get lost in the chaos of a rocky relationship and start questioning who you really are. Your friends seem to see the real you, the decent and honest person you believe yourself to be, so hold onto that.

Now, about confronting the issues in your relationship – it's a delicate situation, I get that. Communication is key, but when it feels like every attempt ends up in a blowout, it's like walking on eggshells. It's crucial to create a safe space for both of you to express your feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation. Maybe consider seeking couples therapy or having a neutral third party mediate a conversation. This can provide a structured environment for open communication and might help avoid the defensive reactions.

It's also essential to set boundaries. No one should ever make you feel ill or compromise your well-being. If the relationship is causing depression and severe anxiety, it's time to prioritize your mental health. This isn't about placing blame; it's about acknowledging the impact and deciding what's best for you moving forward.

I understand that relationships involve compromise, but demanding you "fight" to save the relationship seems like a red flag. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding. It's not about one person groveling or apologizing constantly. It's a partnership where both parties work together to make it thrive.

Remember, working on yourself doesn't mean taking on all the blame. It's about personal growth and becoming the best version of yourself. If, after thoughtful reflection, you find areas where you can improve, that's fantastic. But it's a two-way street, and both partners need to be willing to grow.

Ultimately, take care of yourself. Your mental health is a priority, and it's okay to reassess the situation and make decisions that prioritize your well-being. You deserve happiness and a relationship that uplifts you. If you ever need someone to talk to or share more examples, this forum is here for you.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

[Jerome]

First of all, let me assure you that it's completely normal to have moments of self-doubt and to question yourself in a rocky relationship. It's natural to wonder if you're contributing to the problems or if you're somehow to blame. However, it's important to remember that relationships are a two-way street, and both partners play a role in shaping the dynamics.

From what you've described, it seems like your friends have tried to reassure you that the negative behaviors you've been accused of are not accurate reflections of who you are as a person. Trust your friends and their perspective. They know you well and have your best interests at heart. Sometimes, when we're in a toxic relationship, it can be challenging to see ourselves clearly because our partner's negative influence can cloud our judgment.

Depression and severe anxiety are serious conditions, and it's crucial to prioritize your mental health. If you haven't already, I would strongly recommend seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with a safe space to discuss your feelings, help you navigate the challenges you're facing, and offer guidance on how to cope with the emotional turmoil you're experiencing.

When it comes to confronting your partner about their behavior, it's understandable that you might feel scared or apprehensive. It sounds like you've tried to address the issue in the past but have been met with hostility and put-downs. This kind of response is not healthy or productive in a relationship. Healthy communication involves listening, understanding, and finding solutions together.

If you decide to have a conversation with your partner about their behavior, it might be helpful to approach it from a place of vulnerability and openness. Use "I" statements to express how their actions have made you feel, rather than accusing or blaming them. For example, instead of saying, "You're manipulative and controlling," you could say, "I feel hurt and unsupported when I experience behaviors that make me question my self-worth."

It's important to remember that you can't change someone else's behavior, but you can set boundaries and take care of yourself. If your partner is unwilling to acknowledge their actions or work on the relationship, it might be necessary to consider whether this relationship is healthy and fulfilling for you in the long run.

In the meantime, focus on self-care and building a support network of friends and loved ones who uplift and validate you. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you regain your sense of self-worth. Surround yourself with positivity and seek out opportunities for personal growth and healing. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved.

I hope this advice resonates with you, and I encourage you to take the necessary steps to prioritize your well-being. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, and know that you have the strength to make decisions that are best for you.

[Oc709]

We been having marriage issues and he has no clue