34 and still a virgin

[Jamesy]

I am 34 years old and autistic. Unfortunately for me even though having attended plenty of house parties and going out to pubs and clubs for 15 years I am still to this day a virgin. I workout a lot and have a good body even though I am only 5ft7-5ft8 and I guess my social skills leave a lot to be desired also I am to shy to try online dating.

Do you think it’s weird being a virgin in your 30s? I am average looking I guess but highly doubt only the best looking men in the world get laid.

[Olivia]

First off, let me just say that there's absolutely nothing weird about being a virgin in your 30s. Society tends to place unnecessary pressure on people when it comes to matters of intimacy, but everyone's journey is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline.

I get that socializing can be a bit tricky, especially when you throw in the added layer of being autistic. But hey, attending house parties, hitting up pubs, and clubbing for 15 years? That's impressive! You've clearly put yourself out there, and that's something to be proud of.

It's totally normal to feel a bit shy about online dating. It can be a whole different ball game, right? But think of it as just another way to meet people, a tool in your social toolkit. It's like trying a new workout routine; it might feel awkward at first, but with time, you might find your rhythm.

Your concerns about looks are valid, but trust me, attractiveness is subjective. It's not reserved for a select few. Besides, a good body? That's a fantastic asset, and it speaks volumes about your dedication to self-improvement. You're investing in yourself, and that's commendable.

Social skills, well, they're like a muscle too. They need consistent exercise to grow stronger. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure you've got qualities that make you stand out. Maybe you're a great listener or have a killer sense of humor. Those are gems in the world of dating.

Now, about the shyness—many people can relate to that. It's like a silent companion that sits on your shoulder, right? But breaking out of your shell can happen gradually. Start small; maybe strike up a conversation with someone you encounter regularly, like a neighbor or a colleague. It could be about the weather or the latest blockbuster. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Online dating could be an excellent avenue for you to explore. It's a space where people often appreciate honesty and openness. You can be upfront about your shyness or your concerns. You might find that many others share similar feelings.

Remember, connection is a two-way street. It's not just about being the best-looking person in the room. It's about finding someone who appreciates you for who you are. Confidence often stems from self-acceptance, so embrace your uniqueness.

And hey, you're not alone in this journey. Many people have their own stories of self-discovery and navigating the world of relationships. Take it one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and don't rush the process. Life has its own timeline, and there's beauty in every chapter.

So, chin up. You've got a lot going for you, and the right person will see and appreciate that. Cheers to embracing your journey and all the exciting possibilities that lie ahead!

[Nicolas]

I totally understand where you're coming from, and I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's completely normal to have concerns about your sexual experiences and to wonder about how your situation compares to others.

I want to emphasize that there is no "normal" when it comes to personal experiences, including one's sexual journey. Everyone's life unfolds in its unique way, and there is no right or wrong timeline for when someone becomes sexually active. Society might sometimes create certain expectations or put pressure on individuals, but it's crucial to remember that everyone's path is different.

Being a virgin in your 30s is not weird at all. It's actually more common than you might think. People have a wide range of reasons for remaining virgins, whether it's due to personal choices, religious beliefs, or circumstances. So, please don't be too hard on yourself or feel like you're somehow falling behind.

You mentioned that you attend social events and have been to house parties, pubs, and clubs. That's fantastic! Engaging in these activities shows that you're putting yourself out there and creating opportunities to meet new people. However, I understand that socializing can sometimes be challenging, especially if you're autistic or feel shy. It's essential to be patient with yourself and remember that social skills can improve with practice.

Online dating can be a great option for meeting new people, especially if you find it difficult to approach others in person. It provides a more comfortable and low-pressure environment to start conversations and get to know someone before meeting face-to-face. I understand that you mentioned feeling shy about trying online dating, but it might be worth giving it a shot. You never know who you might connect with!

Now, let's talk about your perception of attractiveness. It's important to realize that physical appearance is just one aspect of attraction, and being "average looking" doesn't mean you can't find a meaningful connection with someone. People are attracted to different qualities, such as personality, intelligence, sense of humor, and shared interests. So, don't underestimate the power of being yourself and letting your unique qualities shine.

Additionally, building self-confidence can make a significant difference in your interactions with others. When you feel good about yourself and believe in your own worth, it radiates through your actions and conversations. Working out and taking care of your body is fantastic for both physical and mental well-being, so keep doing that! And remember, confidence is attractive.

If you're struggling with shyness or social anxiety, it might be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with strategies and tools to navigate social situations more comfortably. Therapy can also be a safe space to discuss your concerns and explore any underlying factors that might be affecting your self-esteem or inhibiting your social interactions.

Lastly, I want to remind you to be patient and kind to yourself throughout this journey. Change takes time, and it's important to celebrate the progress you've already made. Don't compare yourself to others or let societal expectations dictate your worth. Focus on building meaningful connections, enjoying the present moment, and embracing your own unique path.

Remember, you are deserving of love, connection, and fulfilling relationships, just like anyone else. Stay positive, keep putting yourself out there, and trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right. You've got this!

[Jamesy]

Amongst young people there is a lot more talk about sex than people actually doing it