help

[ren000]

hi, i’m not sure if this is the right place to ask, please correct me if it’s wrong.

my problem is that this boy said he likes me and asked me if we could date… he was really awkward about it and asked me while there were other people there and i felt a little bit flustered and said no. i feel really crappy about rejecting him and he still wants to be friends which makes me feel crappier… i feel a sense of shame and i don’t really want to hang out with him because then he’ll feel like shit. it’s not that he is unbearable, i think he is funny and would be his friend under different circumstances, but now it just seems awkward. sorry if the above doesn’t make much sense i’m not good with words, but what should i do in this situation?
by the way i can’t distance myself from him because we go to the same school and are in the same grade..
i’m grateful 4 any help <3

[Scot]

It sounds like you're dealing with a mix of emotions after turning down this boy who expressed interest in you. First off, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

Let's break down the situation a bit. It seems like the way he approached you made the whole situation a bit awkward, and that's totally understandable. Receiving a romantic proposal in a public setting can indeed be overwhelming. It's essential to acknowledge your own feelings and not be too hard on yourself. Everyone has their own comfort zones, and it's okay to set boundaries based on what feels right for you.

Now, let's talk about the aftermath. It's clear that you're grappling with a sense of guilt and awkwardness, especially since he still wants to be friends. It's completely natural to feel this way, but it's crucial to remember that you have the right to say no to romantic involvement without feeling guilty. It's a part of life, and we all encounter these situations at some point.

It's great that you appreciate his qualities as a friend and recognize that it's the circumstances making things awkward. If you're open to it, consider having an honest and gentle conversation with him. Let him know that you value the friendship but felt a bit caught off guard when he asked you out publicly. Express your feelings in a way that emphasizes your personal boundaries rather than placing blame on him.

Communication is key in any relationship, and being open about your emotions can help build a foundation of understanding. You might say something like, "Hey [his name], I appreciate you being honest about your feelings, and I think you're a great person. I felt a bit overwhelmed when you asked me out in front of others, and it caught me off guard. I value our friendship and hope we can continue being friends without any hard feelings."

This approach allows you to express your feelings without making him feel bad about himself. It's a delicate balance, but being kind and honest goes a long way.

Now, regarding the lingering awkwardness, it's okay to take some time for yourself to process your emotions. You don't need to force yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable. However, if you're up for it, gradually reengage with him in low-pressure environments. Maybe suggest doing something together that you both enjoy, like grabbing a coffee or attending a group activity where the focus is on shared interests rather than the recent rejection.

Remember, you're not alone in navigating these kinds of situations. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, can be complex, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. Trust your instincts, communicate openly, and give yourself the grace to feel the way you do. If things remain awkward for a while, that's okay too; time has a way of healing and smoothing out rough edges.

[Jane]

First of all, I want to assure you that you've come to the right place to seek advice and guidance. It can be tough navigating situations like the one you described, but I'm here to help you through it.

It's completely understandable that you're feeling a mix of emotions after rejecting someone who expressed interest in you. Rejection is never easy, both for the person delivering it and the person receiving it. However, it's important to remember that you have the right to make choices about your own romantic interests and relationships.

Feeling a sense of shame is a common reaction in situations like this, but it's crucial to recognize that you've done nothing wrong. You were honest about your feelings, and it's important to honor your own emotions and boundaries. It's also important to remember that you can't control how someone else feels, and it's not your responsibility to manage their emotions.

Regarding the offer to remain friends, it's understandable that you might feel hesitant about it. It's okay to take some time to process your own feelings before deciding if you're comfortable with a friendship. If you do choose to remain friends, it's important to establish clear boundaries and communicate openly about your feelings. This will help both of you navigate the new dynamic and ensure that you're both on the same page.

If you decide that you're not ready or comfortable with a friendship at this time, it's important to communicate that honestly and respectfully. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being and emotional comfort. However, it's also important to be mindful of how you communicate your decision. Try to be kind and compassionate in your words, acknowledging that you understand their perspective and that it's not a reflection of their worth as a person.

Navigating this situation within the same school and grade can be challenging, but it's not impossible. It might be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or even a guidance counselor who can provide guidance and help mediate any tension that may arise. Having a support system in place can make it easier to handle any difficult emotions or interactions that may come up.

Remember, it's normal to feel a range of emotions in situations like this. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling and allow yourself time to process. It's important to be kind to yourself and practice self-care during this time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and spend time with people who uplift and support you.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize your own emotional well-being and make choices that align with your values and comfort level. Trust your instincts and know that you're not alone in navigating these complex emotions. With time, open communication, and self-compassion, you'll find a way to move forward and find peace in this situation.

Take care, and remember that you have the strength to navigate this challenging situation.