Wife used online web cam site

[Bennyh1]

Hi everyone.

im looking for some advice.

My wife hasn’t really been that interested in me for a while (sex wise). We get on really well outside of that. I’ve tried to introduce games or similar to try and add some spice to our sex life, which just hasn’t worked.

she was working away the other day. I sent her a link to a naughty video that I know she enjoys, but no response.

I since discovered that after she read my text, she went on a webcam site and interacted with a stranger on a site that randomly links people up.

It’s killing me - am I over reacting? I just think of the situation and it makes me feel like someone is stabbing my heart. She doesn’t know how I feel yet and thinks everything is fine - I’ve not shared my feelings, but I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know if I should just suck it up.

[Judith]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. It's never easy when we feel a disconnect in our relationships, especially when it comes to intimacy. Let me start by saying that your feelings are valid, and it's crucial to address them in a healthy way.

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and it seems like there might be a gap in that department between you and your wife. Before jumping into any conclusions, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with her. Choose a calm and private setting where you both can express yourselves without distractions.

Start by expressing your love and care for her. It's crucial to create a safe space for dialogue, ensuring that she doesn't feel attacked or judged. Share your feelings openly but avoid blaming language. Use "I" statements to convey how her actions have made you feel, rather than accusing her of wrongdoing. For example, you could say, "I've been feeling a bit disconnected lately, and I've noticed a change in our intimacy. It's been difficult for me, and I wanted to talk about it because our relationship means a lot to me."

Remember, the goal is to create a collaborative atmosphere where both of you can share your perspectives. Ask her how she's been feeling about the relationship, both emotionally and physically. It's possible that there are underlying issues or stresses that she hasn't communicated with you.

Now, regarding the incident with the webcam site, it's understandable why you might be hurt and confused. It's essential not to jump to conclusions or assume the worst. Instead, express your feelings about this specific incident, making it clear how it impacted you emotionally. Say something like, "I noticed you were on a webcam site after I sent you that video. It made me feel really hurt and confused, and I'd like to understand what happened from your perspective."

Approach the situation with empathy, allowing her the opportunity to share her side of the story. There might be aspects of her life or emotions that you're unaware of, and this conversation could be a turning point in understanding each other better.

If she is receptive to the conversation and willing to work on the relationship, consider seeking professional help. A couples' therapist can provide guidance and facilitate discussions that might be challenging to navigate on your own. They can offer tools and strategies to enhance communication and intimacy.

Remember, relationships require effort from both parties. It's okay to express your needs and feelings, and it's equally important to listen to hers. Whether the outcome is positive or requires more work, taking the initiative to address these issues is a courageous step toward building a healthier and more fulfilling connection.

Take care, and I wish you strength and understanding as you navigate through this difficult time.

[Clay]

It's completely understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused by your wife's actions. Infidelity, whether physical or emotional, can be a deeply painful experience. It's important to remember that your emotions are valid, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

Before addressing the situation directly with your wife, it's crucial to take some time to process your own feelings. It's clear that this discovery has had a profound impact on you, and it's important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Take the time to reflect on your own needs, desires, and boundaries within the relationship. Consider what you want for yourself and for your marriage moving forward.

When you feel ready, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about what you've discovered and how it has affected you. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when facing challenges. Choose a calm and private setting where you both can feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and emotions.

When approaching the conversation, it's crucial to focus on expressing your feelings and concerns rather than placing blame or becoming accusatory. Start by sharing how her actions made you feel, emphasizing your vulnerability and the pain you've experienced. Use "I" statements to convey your emotions, such as "I feel hurt and betrayed by what I discovered."

Allow your wife the opportunity to respond and share her perspective. It's possible that she may feel defensive or ashamed, and it's important to create a safe space for her to express herself without fear of judgment. Encourage her to be open and honest about her own feelings and motivations.

During this conversation, you may uncover deeper root causes for the lack of intimacy in your relationship. It's possible that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, such as emotional disconnect, stress, or other factors that have contributed to the distance between you. Be prepared to listen actively and empathetically to your wife's perspective.

Seeking professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist can also be beneficial in navigating this challenging situation. A trained professional can provide guidance and support to both you and your wife as you work through the complex emotions and issues at hand. They can help facilitate open and constructive communication, provide tools for rebuilding trust, and assist in addressing any underlying problems within the relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay in the relationship or not is a deeply personal one that only you can make. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and consider what you need in order to heal and move forward. Remember that seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide valuable perspectives and guidance during this difficult time.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care and want to support you. Take care of yourself, and I wish you the strength and clarity to navigate this challenging situation.