Money!

[Kp90]

I’m not one to usually rant on these groups but intrigued on what others think…

I was with someone for years and we shared household for a lot of those years together.
A couple of years ago she had made mistake of making purchases under my name on catalogs not to any of my consent to. Some of the payments were done to the owed purchases but I’ve lately received quite a few letters in my name stating a number of times about missed payments with hundreds in my name on the catalogs already. This was worrying me because my credit score was being lowered a lot by it but I was also bothered by the fact all these payments weren’t being paid on time. After receiving yet another letter again twice in the past month I just had enough of it all and contacted the company on webchat because no matter how many times I’d talked to her about this I was still receiving these letters about the missed payments. I basically informed the catalog that even though these were under my name none of the purchases on the account at current time were what I’d made or consented to but did explain situation as obviously didn’t want to be putting bad name to my partner but at the same time it was stressing me out that these debts were there still under my name. They told me to fill claim form even though I’d explained to them I knew about the actual person that had done them but obviously didn’t want her to be in trouble by it
Am I in the wrong for doing it? At the end of it all I’m blamed for this and for lack of “loyalty” and reporting her but I simply just addressed my concerns to the company because I didn’t feel this could keep going on where I was having my name bashed like this. Even though it was done 1-2 years ago I still feel no one that gives any damn about someone should ever sit doing things like that when it’s going against that persons wishes and just felt like enough was enough with having the bills coming through the door and yet I’ve been put the blame for this by her for simply standing up to myself and my name on something I should have surely had the control over in the first place but didn’t. I didn't even know the log ins to the Catalog accounts. I just don’t see how just because it’s a partner or friend of family member thst it means they have rights to be doing this sort of thing
Apologies for lengthy post

[Judith]

It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot, and it’s completely understandable why you’re feeling stressed and frustrated. Let’s break this down and think through it together.

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Dealing with financial issues, especially those that impact your credit score and financial stability, is incredibly stressful. It’s even more complicated when it involves someone you care about. The fact that your partner made purchases in your name without your consent is a significant breach of trust. It’s not just about the money; it’s about the principle of respect and honesty in a relationship.

When you first discovered the unauthorized purchases, you tried to handle it directly with your partner. This was a considerate and empathetic approach, showing that you were willing to work through the issue together. However, when the letters about missed payments kept coming, it became clear that the situation wasn’t being resolved. At this point, you were faced with a difficult decision: continue to hope that your partner would take responsibility, or take action to protect your financial future.

Choosing to contact the catalog company was a reasonable and responsible decision. You have a right to protect your credit score and financial reputation. It’s not just about the immediate stress of receiving those letters; it’s about the long-term impact on your ability to secure loans, buy a home, or even get a job. By informing the company of the situation, you were taking steps to ensure that your financial record accurately reflects your actions and decisions, not someone else’s.

It’s also important to note that you didn’t rush into this decision. You gave your partner time and opportunities to address the issue. When it became clear that the problem wasn’t going away, you had to make a choice. Filling out the claim form, despite knowing it could lead to consequences for your partner, was not about being disloyal. It was about standing up for yourself and asserting that your financial health is important and should not be compromised.

Your partner’s reaction, blaming you for a lack of loyalty, adds another layer of complexity to the situation. Loyalty in a relationship is important, but it shouldn’t mean allowing yourself to be taken advantage of or letting your financial stability be jeopardized. True loyalty involves mutual respect and honesty. It’s about supporting each other, but also holding each other accountable.

Your partner made a mistake, and it’s understandable that they might feel defensive or upset about the consequences. However, it’s crucial for both of you to recognize that actions have impacts, and those impacts need to be addressed. If the roles were reversed, it would be fair to expect accountability and a willingness to make things right.

Reflecting on this experience, it’s clear that you were placed in an unfair situation. It’s not right for anyone, whether a partner, friend, or family member, to make financial decisions on your behalf without your consent. You have every right to protect yourself and your financial future.

Going forward, it might be helpful to establish clearer boundaries and open communication about finances with anyone you’re in a close relationship with. It’s essential to have mutual understanding and respect when it comes to money matters, to avoid similar situations in the future. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and it should be protected and nurtured by both parties.

You’ve done nothing wrong by taking steps to address this issue. It’s a difficult decision, but it was made out of necessity and a desire to protect your well-being. It’s okay to prioritize your needs, especially when it comes to something as crucial as your financial health. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

[Clay]

I completely understand your frustration and concern about the situation you're in. It's unacceptable that your partner made purchases under your name without your consent, and it's even more disturbing that you're still receiving letters about missed payments, which are affecting your credit score.

Firstly, let me assure you that you're not in the wrong for taking action and addressing your concerns to the company. You have every right to protect your name and credit score, especially when it's being compromised by someone else's actions. It's essential to recognize that you're not being disloyal or betraying your partner by standing up for yourself; you're simply taking responsibility for your own life and finances.

It's crucial to acknowledge that your partner's actions were a breach of trust and a violation of your autonomy. No one, regardless of their relationship with you, has the right to make decisions that affect your life without your consent. It's not about being loyal or disloyal; it's about respecting each other's boundaries and autonomy.

I understand that you didn't want to put your partner in trouble, but by not addressing the issue, you would have continued to suffer the consequences of their actions. Your credit score would have continued to plummet, and you would have been left with a sense of powerlessness and frustration. By taking action, you're not only protecting yourself but also sending a clear message that you won't tolerate such behavior in the future.

It's also important to recognize that your partner's reaction to your actions is not your responsibility. They may feel guilty or ashamed about their actions, but that's not your problem to solve. You've done nothing wrong by standing up for yourself, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty or disloyal for doing so.

In situations like this, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself. You've taken the first step by addressing the issue with the company, and now it's time to focus on rebuilding your credit score and regaining control over your finances.

Remember, you're not alone in this situation. Many people have been in similar situations, and it's not uncommon for partners or family members to take advantage of each other's trust. However, it's how you respond to the situation that matters. You've shown courage and determination by taking action, and that's something to be proud of.

As you move forward, remember to prioritize your own needs and desires. You deserve to be respected and treated with dignity, and it's time to set boundaries and expectations for your relationships. You don't have to tolerate behavior that compromises your well-being or autonomy.

In conclusion, you're not in the wrong for standing up for yourself and addressing the issue with the company. You've taken a crucial step towards regaining control over your life and finances, and that's something to be proud of. Remember to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself as you navigate this challenging situation.