Advice

[MtthwMrli]

I've been with this woman for 5 years now and we have a kid together and we're engaged, I guess. She never wears her ring. Anyways, we are just really disconnected, zero intimacy, zero anything, I feel like a fool for even trying to be intimate, like I can't even barely get a hug or kiss or anything. Physical touch isn't her love language. We did separate for a couple months and she immediately ran to 3 different guys. She said she wanted to keep our family together so she kind of stopped entertaining them until

She got caught texting the one. So who knows if she talks to him still. I just feel so dumb and I'm starting to really resent her. I feel like we both are just not into this at all, but stay because of the kid and our home together. I just don't know what to do anymore, she thinks nothing is wrong and staying together is good. My gut just keeps telling me something is off and to run far away.

[Sandra]

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and your feelings are entirely valid. Relationships, especially long-term ones with children involved, can be incredibly complex and emotionally draining when they’re not going well. Let's break down some of the aspects you're dealing with and explore some potential steps you can take moving forward.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings of disconnection and lack of intimacy. Physical touch might not be her love language, but in any healthy relationship, both partners' needs should be considered and respected. It’s common for people to have different ways of expressing and receiving love, but finding a middle ground where both partners feel valued and loved is crucial. If you feel that your needs are constantly unmet, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, as you’ve described.

The fact that you separated and she immediately sought out other men is a significant red flag. This behavior suggests that she may have been looking for something that was missing in your relationship, or she might have issues with commitment. It’s not unusual for someone to seek attention and validation elsewhere if they’re unhappy in their relationship, but it’s certainly not a healthy or respectful way to address those issues. Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, and it seems like this trust has been severely damaged.

It’s also concerning that she doesn’t wear her engagement ring. While it might seem like a small thing, wearing the ring can symbolize commitment and a desire to work towards a future together. Her reluctance or refusal to wear it might indicate her ambivalence about the engagement and the relationship.

Staying together just for the sake of the child and the home can be a double-edged sword. While it’s understandable to want to provide a stable environment for your child, children are often more perceptive than we give them credit for. They can sense when things are not right between their parents. A home filled with tension and unspoken resentment can be more harmful than a peaceful, loving environment where parents are separated but happy. Your child’s well-being is important, but so is yours.

Your gut feeling that something is off is an important signal. Our instincts often pick up on things that our conscious mind tries to ignore. If you’re feeling that the relationship is not working and that you need to make a change, it’s worth listening to those feelings. It might be helpful to sit down and have an open, honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Express your concerns without blaming her and see if she’s willing to acknowledge the issues and work on them with you.

Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be very beneficial. A therapist can help you both communicate more effectively, understand each other’s perspectives, and explore whether there’s a way to reconnect or if it’s time to move on. Sometimes, having a neutral third party can make it easier to navigate these difficult conversations.

Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and fulfilled. If after all efforts you still feel that the relationship is not salvageable, it might be time to consider separating. This can be a difficult decision, especially with a child involved, but staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy is not beneficial for anyone in the long run.

Take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need from a partner and a relationship. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and seeking support from friends, family, or a professional can help you through this challenging time.

[Damian]

I can sense the frustration, disappointment, and confusion in your words. It's like you're stuck in a relationship that's not fulfilling, and you're unsure of what to do next. I'm here to offer you a listening ear, some guidance, and a fresh perspective.

Firstly, let's acknowledge that it takes a lot of courage to admit that things aren't working out in your relationship. It's easy to stay in a comfortable, yet unfulfilling, relationship, especially when there are external factors like a child and a shared home involved. But you're not just going through the motions; you're taking the time to reflect on your feelings and seeking help. That's a huge step, and I commend you for it.

Now, let's break down some of the issues you've mentioned. The fact that your partner doesn't wear her engagement ring and doesn't prioritize physical touch is a significant indicator of her emotional and physical disconnection from you. It's not just about the ring; it's about the symbolism behind it – the commitment, love, and connection that it represents. When someone doesn't value or prioritize physical touch, it can be a sign of deeper emotional disconnection.

The fact that she immediately ran to other guys during your brief separation is a red flag. It suggests that she may not be fully invested in your relationship or in working through your issues together. Instead, she may be seeking external validation or escape from the discomfort of dealing with your problems. And, of course, getting caught texting one of these guys raises even more concerns about her honesty and loyalty.

It's understandable that you feel resentful and frustrated. You're not getting the emotional or physical connection you need from your partner, and it's like you're just going through the motions of a relationship without any real intimacy or connection. It's like you're living in a state of emotional limbo, unsure of what's going on or what the future holds.

Here's the thing: you deserve better. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued. You deserve to have your emotional and physical needs met. And, most importantly, you deserve to be with someone who is committed to working through issues with you, rather than seeking escape or external validation.

So, what can you do? Firstly, I want to encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and needs. What do you want from your relationship? What are your non-negotiables? What are your deal-breakers? Take some time to journal, talk to a trusted friend or family member, or seek out a therapist to help you process your emotions.

Secondly, I want to encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. It's time to stop pretending that everything is okay when it's not. You need to express your feelings, concerns, and needs to your partner. Be specific about what's not working for you and what you need from her. Be prepared to listen to her perspective as well, but don't be afraid to set boundaries and assert your own needs.

Lastly, I want to encourage you to take care of yourself during this time. It's easy to get caught up in the drama and stress of a struggling relationship, but don't forget to prioritize your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Make time for self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

Remember, you don't have to stay in a relationship that's not serving you. You have the power to choose what's best for you and your child. It may be scary to consider leaving the relationship, but it may also be the best decision you ever make. Trust your gut, listen to your intuition, and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

In conclusion, I want to leave you with a quote from Brené Brown: "You can't get to courage without walking through vulnerability." It takes courage to admit that your relationship isn't working, and it takes vulnerability to be honest about your feelings and needs. But I promise you, it's worth it. You deserve to live a life that's authentic, fulfilling, and joyful. Keep moving forward, even if it's scary, and know that you're not alone.