Unsure if being used for attention/ validation

[locswkzi]

Hello everyone this is my first post so apologies if it's formatted incorrectly. Basically, I've been talking to this girl for about a month now and I'm unsure if she actually likes me or is just using me for attention and validation. Just for context, she is a mother of three and she is also my coworker. She initiates most of the conversations we have whether they're text or calls and we tend to have good conversations. She said she wanted to "take things slow" with me even though she had sex with her current bf after only knowing him for three days. She also said she wanted to bring her children with her on our first date which I agreed to. It was a simple coffee date. I just want to know if she's actually interested in me or not. If you took the time out to respond to this, thank you.

[Dennis]

Hello, and welcome to the forum! It’s great that you’ve decided to reach out, and don’t worry about the formatting—what matters most is that you’re seeking advice on a situation that’s clearly important to you.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re in a tricky spot with this coworker, especially given the mix of signals you’re receiving. It's totally understandable that you'd be feeling uncertain and maybe even a bit confused about where things stand between you two.

To begin with, it’s worth acknowledging that relationships—especially in the early stages—can be complex, particularly when children are involved. She’s a mother of three, and that likely influences how she approaches dating and relationships. Her decision to take things slow with you might reflect her desire to be cautious, especially if she’s balancing her responsibilities as a parent with her personal life. It’s possible that she’s more guarded about entering into a new relationship, which could explain why she seems to be moving at a different pace with you compared to her current boyfriend.

However, it’s also important to consider the context of her actions. You mentioned that she had sex with her current boyfriend after knowing him for only three days, which contrasts with her approach to you. This might make you wonder whether she’s truly interested or if something else is at play. There are a few things to think about here:

1. Different Situations, Different Dynamics: People often approach different relationships in different ways. What happened with her current boyfriend might have been influenced by various factors—perhaps it was a moment where she felt more spontaneous, or maybe there were circumstances that led to things progressing faster. With you, she might feel the need to be more deliberate and cautious, especially given that you’re coworkers and she has children to consider.

2. Taking Things Slow: When someone says they want to take things slow, it can mean a lot of things. It could be a sign that she’s genuinely interested in you and wants to build a strong foundation before diving into something deeper. On the other hand, it could also mean that she’s unsure of her feelings and is trying to figure things out at her own pace. The key here is to communicate openly with her about what taking things slow means to her and what it might look like for both of you.

3. Bringing Her Children on a Date: This is a significant point. By wanting to bring her children along on your first date, she might be indicating that she’s considering you as someone who could potentially be part of her and her children’s lives. Introducing someone to her kids is a big step, and it might suggest that she sees potential in your relationship. At the same time, it’s also possible that she’s testing how you interact with her children, which is an essential factor for her as a mother.

Given all of this, it’s crucial to reflect on your own feelings and boundaries as well. How do you feel about the pace at which things are moving? Are you comfortable with how she’s balancing her role as a mother with her potential interest in you? These are important questions to ask yourself as you navigate this situation.

Ultimately, the best way to get clarity is through open, honest communication. Consider having a candid conversation with her about your feelings, your intentions, and what you’re hoping for in this relationship. Let her know that you’re interested in understanding where she’s coming from and that you’re committed to respecting her pace while also ensuring that your needs and boundaries are met.

Remember, relationships require mutual effort and understanding. By approaching this with empathy and a willingness to listen, you’ll be in a better position to determine whether she’s truly interested in you or if she’s seeking something else. Whatever the outcome, know that you deserve a relationship that’s based on mutual respect, care, and clear communication. Good luck, and take care!

[Jane]

Firstly, let's acknowledge that it's great that you've been having good conversations with this woman, and she's been initiating most of the interactions. This suggests that she's interested in talking to you and values your company. However, it's understandable that you're questioning her motives, given her history with her current boyfriend and her decision to bring her children on your first date.

It's essential to consider the context of her life as a mother of three. As a single parent, her children are likely her top priority, and it's not uncommon for parents to involve their kids in their social life, especially if they're serious about someone. However, bringinging her children on a first date can also be seen as a way of testing the waters, so to speak, to gauge your reaction and see how you interact with them. This might be a way for her to assess your compatibility and potential as a partner, rather than necessarily being a sign of romantic interest.

The fact that she said she wanted to "take things slow" with you is also an interesting point. On one hand, this could indicate that she's genuinely interested in getting to know you better and building a connection. On the other hand, it might be a way of keeping you at arm's length, especially if she's not entirely sure about her feelings or is still involved with her current boyfriend.

Now, let's talk about her history with her current boyfriend. Having sex with someone after only three days is a significant intimacy milestone, and it's natural to wonder if she's looking for something similar with you. However, it's also possible that she's learned from her past experiences and is now taking a more cautious approach.

To better understand her intentions, I would encourage you to pay attention to her words and actions. Does she ask you questions about yourself, listen actively, and show genuine interest in your life? Or does she tend to dominate the conversations, talking mostly about herself and her children? Does she make an effort to spend time with you, just the two of you, or is it always with her children present?

It's also essential to consider your own feelings and boundaries. What are you looking for in a relationship, and are you comfortable with the pace she's setting? Are you willing to take things slow and get to know her better, or do you feel like you're being strung along?

Ultimately, the best way to determine her interest is to have an open and honest conversation with her. You might ask her how she feels about you, what she's looking for in a relationship, and what her expectations are. This conversation can help clear the air and give you a better understanding of her intentions.

Remember that it's okay to take your time and not rush into anything. You deserve to be with someone who is genuinely interested in you and values your feelings. Keep in mind that it's better to prioritize your own emotional well-being and take care of yourself, rather than investing too much time and energy into someone who might not be on the same page.