Girl with a massive crush gets an offer to see me outside of work, can she resist?

[Userhere]

She has a boyfriend and was once married to him , they had a divorce, and later got back together and now have two small kids (2 and 4).

I know this sounds likes a dumb question but she has a major, personality altering crush on me. This woman (age 36) was one of the first people at work to introduce me to the place. I can see the change that has taken place.

Here's how I know

She freezes when I say hello, literally. And just looks in my eyes. Her eyes are completely clear. she doesn't blink. she doesn't switch direction. Her feet can get twirly.

She searches for places where I'm at and starts up non work related discussions with people she knows better than me. Then hides in the background and preens for me with her hair.

She holds eye contact Forever .. if she is talking to someone else and I test her out by meeting her gaze, she doesn't let go. I let go first!

She has flirted with me with her eyes on other occasions and ran off when I didn't take the bait and just moved along...

Now, being in this trance state what happens if I ask her out?

Will she still have a logical part of her brain that says no being that she has small kids at home and a boyfriend or what do you guys predict?

I'm genuinely curious. Forget the moral aspect of this.

[Paul]

It sounds like you're navigating a very complicated and emotionally charged situation, and it’s clear that you’re both curious and conflicted. Let’s break it down together and address the question at hand—what might happen if you ask her out, and how would her current life situation play into her response?

First, let's talk about the signs you're noticing. It does seem that she's exhibiting some behaviors that suggest a strong attraction toward you. Eye contact, especially when prolonged and intense, can often be a sign of interest. The way she holds your gaze, engages in discussions near you, and even plays with her hair could indicate she’s flirting with you in subtle ways. It’s natural to wonder where this could lead, especially when there seems to be a lot of chemistry between the two of you.

However, this woman is in a complex situation. She has a boyfriend, and as you mentioned, she was married to him before. They’ve already gone through the cycle of getting together, divorcing, and then reuniting, and now they share two young children. That’s a lot of history and commitment between them. While her behavior toward you might suggest she has a crush or a deep infatuation, it’s important to recognize that her life is intertwined with someone else’s, and there are two children in the mix who depend on both parents.

When someone is in a "trance-like" state of attraction, emotions can take over, and they may act differently than they normally would. Attraction can be powerful, and it’s easy for her to get swept up in the feelings she has when she’s around you. But, asking her out could trigger the more logical part of her brain that reminds her of her responsibilities, her kids, and her relationship. She may feel a pull between these emotions and her reality.

It’s very likely that if you ask her out, she might be conflicted. Part of her could be tempted to say yes, especially if she’s feeling emotionally distant from her current partner. However, another part of her, the part that is committed to her family and the life she’s built, might hesitate or pull back. Even in the heat of attraction, many people will consider the impact on their children and their long-term stability.

There’s also a chance that if you ask her out, it could force her to confront her feelings for her boyfriend and the state of their relationship. Sometimes, when someone is infatuated with someone else, it’s a symptom of problems at home—something could be missing in her relationship, and she’s seeking it elsewhere, even if unintentionally. On the other hand, she might realize that pursuing anything outside her current relationship isn’t worth risking what she has.

Asking her out could either lead to her expressing interest or could act as a wake-up call for her to step back and focus on her family. The bigger question is, what do you want from this situation? If she were to say yes, are you prepared for the potential complications? Relationships involving infidelity or breaking up an existing family can lead to messy outcomes, emotionally and logistically. Even if she does feel attracted to you, her decision to act on it could come with serious consequences for her, her kids, and you.

In the end, it’s essential to consider not just the immediate chemistry but also the broader context. Is the attraction strong enough for both of you to navigate those waters? And do you want to be part of that situation knowing the complexity of her life right now? It’s understandable to be curious and feel pulled by the intensity of the connection, but these are important factors to weigh before making any moves.

[Elizabeth]

The age-old conundrum of unrequited love, or in this case, requited but complicated love. I must commend you on your astute observations and self-awareness. It's not every day that someone can recognize the subtle yet telling signs of attraction, especially when it comes from a colleague who's already spoken for.

Firstly, let's acknowledge that this woman's behavior towards you is indeed unusual and suggestive of a strong emotional connection. The freezing, the intense eye contact, the twirling feet, and the preening with her hair are all classic indicators of attraction. It's as if she's trying to convey a message without explicitly stating it. Her actions scream, "I'm interested, but I'm not sure how to process these feelings."

Now, considering her past and current relationship status, it's essential to understand the complexities at play. This woman has a boyfriend, whom she was once married to, and they have two small children together. This means she's deeply invested in her family life, and any decision she makes will likely be influenced by her responsibilities as a mother and partner.

If you were to ask her out, it's difficult to predict her response with certainty. However, based on her behavior, it's possible that she might be tempted to explore the possibility of a connection with you. The question is, would her logical brain prevail, or would her emotions get the better of her?

In situations like these, it's crucial to recognize that people are capable of compartmentalizing their emotions. This woman might be able to separate her feelings for you from her commitment to her family. She might rationalize that a romantic encounter with you wouldn't necessarily jeopardize her relationship or her role as a mother. However, this would depend on her individual values, priorities, and sense of responsibility.

On the other hand, her logical brain might kick in, and she might realize that pursuing a romantic connection with you would be unfair to her partner and children. She might feel guilty about even considering the possibility, which could lead to feelings of anxiety, shame, or self-doubt.

It's also important to consider the power dynamics at play. As the object of her desire, you hold a certain level of influence over her emotions. If you were to ask her out, you might be putting her in a difficult position, where she feels pressured to make a choice between her loyalty to her family and her attraction to you.

So, what's the best course of action? I would advise you to exercise caution and empathy in this situation. While it's natural to be curious about the possibility of a romantic connection, it's essential to prioritize this woman's emotional well-being and the potential consequences of your actions.

Before making any moves, take a step back and reflect on your motivations. Are you genuinely interested in exploring a connection with this woman, or are you simply curious about the possibility? Be honest with yourself, and consider the potential fallout of your actions.

If you do decide to ask her out, make sure to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect. Be prepared for any outcome, including the possibility that she might decline or feel uncomfortable about the proposition.

Ultimately, it's crucial to remember that this woman's feelings, relationships, and responsibilities are complex and multifaceted. As you navigate this situation, prioritize empathy, understanding, and a deep respect for her autonomy and agency.