Cheating?

[Proton80]

Ive been in a long distance relationship with someone now for a year and half and he is looking to move over to where I am in a few weeks...
However something has been bothering me for a good while now and it has got to the stage where about 6 months ago (while I was stressed and out of work) I completely felt like I was losing my mind and based on behaviours of his and certain thing that sticks our for me that were happening I thought he was having an affair....

When we both met first, there was someone in his life, a girl he was friends with and as soon as I met her and saw the two of them together, my heart sank. I just knew something had gone on with them. At the time he never told me and we all used to hang out together.....it got so intense..she used to stare at him across the table when we were together...I started to get so upset and angry at this that it caused a lot of arguments!

When I confronted him about it, he said that yes they had dated for a couple of months about a year before that. To be quiet honest...by the look she was giving him, it seemed a lot closer that that.

In the end, due to his decision, he cut her out of his life...what really bothered me at the time though is that he didnt tell his friends why and it looks liked I was keeping them apart... I got angry at him for this as it made me look bad. I don't like drama in my life, I talked to him about it, I didnt want it to be a big deal.

Following on from that, the whole thing became a drama,. his friends got involved, some meeting her some meeting him...and he speak of her with such distain. If you were not bothered by someone why be so passionate about it?

Anyways recently she has been back on the scene...repeatedly liking my friends photos on Facebook and liking a photo I put up with him in it.

He moved back to where he lives 6 weeks ago (she lives there too)and the whole thing has started again...his strange behaviour, hiding his phone and the thing that really bothers me is WhatsApp!! He is always on it....and one day a couple of months ago I coped to this and checked her number too....same times about 80% of the time...coincidence?

The problem with this is, when I talk to him he "hasn't been in touch with anyone"...
During the week his phone was engaged when I rang him back...when I asked him who he was talking to his sounded flustered..oh my brother (who by the way he rarely talks too) and he changed the subject

2 day ago I came home form the bar and I looked on WhatsApp, after watching about 10 min of online & offline between the 2 numbers I called him and we broke up

When I sobered up the next day I apologised because I was heartbroken and he told me how much he loved me etc.

What am I supposed to do? I have no rational or logically explanation other than my gut and WhatsApp?? So I m doubting myself all the time.
I'm at the stage of thinking if getting a PI ...but how do you explain to him you had him followed thats crazy !

[Brett]

First and foremost, before forgiving your boyfriend, you need to know why he had to cheat on you in the first place. This will help in preventing him from doing so in future. One thing that you should know is that most men crave for admiration. Admiration helps to boost a man's ego. It has been proved that most men yearn for attention just like women. You should take sometime and think about your relationship. Think about the first time when you started dating. Do you remember how you used to prepare yourself and you couldn't wait to see him. As time goes on when in the relationship, you will tend to be comfortable with the person. This means that you might not even be caring about the looks when you are meeting with him. You will even neglect the sweet words that you used to tell him during the initial stages of your dating.

Failure to do some ego building things to your man may be the reason why he may have cheated on you. Probably, your boyfriend got someone else who gave him the attention and admiration that he required. Maybe your boyfriend did not cheat on you because he found a sexier and prettier girl than you; maybe it might be the contrary. The main thing that could have led to his cheating was lack of attention. Knowing the reason why he cheated will help you to know how to deal with a cheating boyfriend. The first thing to do when dealing with a cheating boyfriend is to avoid making rush decisions and accepting the reality.

You should understand that being cheated on can be very disheartening for any person. However, you should not use this to justify why you should end your relationship especially if it was his first time. If your boyfriend cheated on you only once and is remorseful, you can forgive him. However, you should ensure that he does not do it again. Another thing that you should do when you find that your boyfriend is cheating is to confront him so that you can discuss the matter. You should talk with your boyfriend about the whole situation rather than keeping everything to yourself as this will not improve the situation.

Another thing that you can do to deal with your cheating boyfriend is to give him an ultimatum. You should make it clear that he either has to end the relationship with the other girl or risk losing you. If he cheats on you later even after giving him the ultimatum, then it should be the high time that you called it off. Lastly, you can also seek professional help. The two of you can go for some guidance from a relationship counselor. Professional help can be important as it may help to know which methods to use in order to prevent your boyfriend from cheating again. This will help you to know how you can deal with your cheating boyfriend in a mature way.

[Elliot]

Trust is the basis of all healthy relationships, it is the essential foundation of long distance relationships. If you can't trust your partner implicitly you will be miserable in a long distance affair, constantly plagued by doubts about your lover's faithfulness.

Long distance relationship are always difficult. While technology does help reduce distances to some degree, an image on a screen can hardly be loved as well as the girl in the next dorm. So while trust is vital, if you're dating Casanova, persistent repetition of these four signs could spell trouble for you.

Your Boyfriend Is Frequently Unreachable

You've been trying to reach him but his phone is unreachable and he hasn't called or messaged you for a day or two. When he finally calls you, he has no valid excuse (or too bizarre an excuse). Fact is, his new friend circle may take him places he never ventured into before. Remember, he may be telling the truth about going camping or fishing so just ask him to send you a few pictures from his trip to put your fears to rest.

Your Chats Have Changed Since He Moved Away

Beware of alterations in the quality of daily phone calls. Anything contrary to his usual habits like an increase or decrease in intensity, intimacy or details during chats show he's troubled. This deviation in your boyfriend's usual behavior means he's trying to compensate for some change. Either he's just awestruck by his new location, job or classes and trying to settle in or he really is cheating on you.

Your Far-Away Boyfriend Forgets To Call These Days

When the quantitative patterns of his calls change, be wary. If the frequency and length of your long distance boyfriend calls change, he's up to something new. He may have taken up an extra class or activity that's keeping him busy and away from his phone. Or he may have another girlfriend in the background. Question your man carefully but don't hang him without a trial.

Your Boyfriend Won't Do Video Chat

Many long distance relationships work better thanks to video chat. When you're living in different countries, video chat is the most intimate means to communicate. Unless you're sure he has a technical problem, be worried if your boyfriend begins to avoid turning that PC cam on. It means there's something or someone in the room he doesn't want you to see.

[Proton80]

First and foremost, before forgiving your boyfriend, you need to know why he had to cheat on you in the first place. This will help in preventing him from doing so in future. One thing that you should know is that most men crave for admiration. Admiration helps to boost a man's ego. It has been proved that most men yearn for attention just like women. You should take sometime and think about your relationship. Think about the first time when you started dating. Do you remember how you used to prepare yourself and you couldn't wait to see him. As time goes on when in the relationship, you will tend to be comfortable with the person. This means that you might not even be caring about the looks when you are meeting with him. You will even neglect the sweet words that you used to tell him during the initial stages of your dating.

Failure to do some ego building things to your man may be the reason why he may have cheated on you. Probably, your boyfriend got someone else who gave him the attention and admiration that he required. Maybe your boyfriend did not cheat on you because he found a sexier and prettier girl than you; maybe it might be the contrary. The main thing that could have led to his cheating was lack of attention. Knowing the reason why he cheated will help you to know how to deal with a cheating boyfriend. The first thing to do when dealing with a cheating boyfriend is to avoid making rush decisions and accepting the reality.

You should understand that being cheated on can be very disheartening for any person. However, you should not use this to justify why you should end your relationship especially if it was his first time. If your boyfriend cheated on you only once and is remorseful, you can forgive him. However, you should ensure that he does not do it again. Another thing that you should do when you find that your boyfriend is cheating is to confront him so that you can discuss the matter. You should talk with your boyfriend about the whole situation rather than keeping everything to yourself as this will not improve the situation.

Another thing that you can do to deal with your cheating boyfriend is to give him an ultimatum. You should make it clear that he either has to end the relationship with the other girl or risk losing you. If he cheats on you later even after giving him the ultimatum, then it should be the high time that you called it off. Lastly, you can also seek professional help. The two of you can go for some guidance from a relationship counselor. Professional help can be important as it may help to know which methods to use in order to prevent your boyfriend from cheating again. This will help you to know how you can deal with your cheating boyfriend in a mature way.

WHAT?

First of all, did you even read my post properly??
I have no idea if he cheated on me as I stated it was not proven!!
I am wondering if he did that was the whole point of my post, I am looking for advise on how to approach the situation.

If he has cheated on me then I would not be with him. I have some self respect.

Also, I find your answer incredibly sexist!! So it is ok for a man to cheat because his girlfriend wasnt giving him enough attention?? I need to make sure I look good for him to prevent him from cheating again?? That is disgusting.

How about he keeps his penis in his pants and actually sits down and talk to her about what is going on and have some respect for her.

I find your post highly upsetting and very insulting!

[Brett]

WHAT?

First of all, did you even read my post properly??
I have no idea if he cheated on me as I stated it was not proven!!

I read it very well, but was just giving a general view about things, what I have said might probably help you in the future.

How about he keeps his penis in his pants and actually sits down and talk to her about what is going on and have some respect for her.

That is too mean to say about a man. Come on, he is a MAN for God's sake.

I find your post highly upsetting and very insulting!

Sorry for upsetting you, I didn't mean to insult you.

[kristin31]

I was cheated on by my first bf and the conversations sound so similar it literally lit that fire inside me again. It's the worst thing you can do to someone in my book so of course I was completely devastated when I found out. We were also slightly long distance with me being about an hour and a half away from him. I always saw dating apps on his phone and he would say he didn't use them. One day riding in the car, he fell asleep and I went through his messages of him with this girl. When he woke up, I asked what it was about and he said she was just a friend going through a lot of depression and anorexia and he felt bad for her. I clearly said something along the lines of "I don't give a fuck, stop talking to her" but of course he never did. I find out a few months later in a personal message from the same girl that she had been to his house and they had had sex multiple times. My ex came to me with the same exact "I love you, I want to marry you, etc" shit and it worked for nearly another year until I finally broke it off with him. He was my fist bf and my first love. It was very hard to do but I know I deserve better. My advice would be to talk with him privately about the situation. Being with someone for a long time and suddenly breaking it off is HARD. Especially when you loved that person with all your heart and they decided to break it. But in this case, you don't know if he has or not, so I would give him a chance to offer an explanation to you. But make sure you let him know that you would rather him be completely honest than continue leading you on. There's only a chance to you guys staying with each other if you open up and become completely honest! No hiding phones, no secret phone calls, and no talking to that fucking bitch trying to steal your man! Get her out of the picture yourself, don't leave him to do it because it will be much harder to. I learned that I should have told the girl my bf cheated on me with to fuck off before she even had sex with him, but its too late now. And sure, he may find another girl to mess around with, but hopefully this girl would have a better character and tell you if anything is going on like the girl in my story. Good luck!