How To Know If She's The Right Woman For You

[Brett]

I wonder if you can maybe help me out for a sec. Could you give me your take on something that's giving me sleepless nights? It's my 'sticking point' if you like.

I'm 45, completely reinvented myself from divorced wimp 5 years ago to well, as you would put it, a guy that deserves what he wants ...and my question is...


How important is missing a girl when it comes to selecting from the many options I have?

You see, I've gotten myself into the 'nice problem to have' of having a several great girls pine for me, miss me every day and generally do the chasing to take up my time to um...let's say "provide them with the pleasures and social life they crave".

Remember when you had 3 great options before selecting Emily? Well, I'm pretty similar... And my bottom line is I'm wanting to select one and stop all this high activity. But I have a problem in that I don't MISS any of them.

Now does this mean that none of these is the right girl? Or does it just mean that because I'm now such an extremely independent successful business guy that it's not surprising I don't even need a great girl as a lifelong companion?

Yeah, I miss them a bit each but it's not that I can't live without them and it doesn't bother me if one doesn't call because they pretty much rotate evenly and fight for my time. I realize too that they miss me daily, which is pretty easy (let's face it) when we are all that they've ever wanted in a real man. So that makes me wonder even more if it matters that I don't miss them?

Where's the line here? Is missing them a lot just a female gender specific thing?

Am I ok to just choose any one of them and start to exclude the others and build a great life together ...or would I be settling if I did that?

I'd love to hear your views.

[Michael]

Hello Brett:

First of all, congratulations on achieving the level of success you have with women. You are clearly a chooser rather than a chaser.

Now you've come to the point that I have to say few men believe is even possible.

Yet, like I did over eight years ago now, you're finding that the complexities of relating to women don't exactly go away when success comes your way.

Rather, they simply evolve into different ones.

That is, you indeed have a "high quality problem"...which we tend to specialize in solving around here.

To give a simple answer to your central question, yes...how much you miss a woman when she's not around matters very much.

And yes...that probably means that none of the women you are currently seeing is the right woman to build a long-term relationship with.

Yet, you're saying that you're ready to select a great woman and move away from the high level of activity that your busy dating life involves.

For sure, a lot of guys would think you must be out of your mind, but believe me I know. A wildly successful dating life can eat you alive if you let it.

Seriously, being able to attract terrific women like that who want to be with you all the time can start consuming all of your free time.

This would include the time once spent going to the gym to get into great shape, partaking in all those "interesting" activities that intrigued women to begin with, and spending time with the friends that earned you social status.

It can even start cutting into your sleep and even distract you from giving your career the attention it deserves.

All of that spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R in general for your personal life. And the irony is that the more "out of control" your dating life gets, the less attractive you might become to women.

I'm betting you sense all of that already.

What I'm about to say may sound crazy to a guy who hasn't gotten to where you are yet, but you may even be thinking that there's more to life than just sex.

Once you can call any of five or six hotties who would each jump at the chance to come crawl in bed with you at any given moment, a change of pace like hitting a sports bar or even playing a round of golf starts to sound really good.

I mean, as couples on their honeymoons quickly discover: You just can't have sex all the time.

So the word "balance" just might hit the nail on the head for you.

Considering that you don't necessarily favor any of the terrific women in your life over the others, I can definitively say that you would indeed be settling if you just pinned all of their names to the wall and threw a dart.

It's my experience that a guy in your situation will likely get knocked out when a woman who checks all the boxes comes along.

Given the amount of experience relating and evaluating women that you have, you're far less likely to grow into seeing a woman as the right one for you long-term if she doesn't occur as such sometime over the course of the first few dates, max.

That's just one of the many benefits of having actually been out with lots of high quality women.

But on the other hand, should you just wipe the slate and give all these women the "just be friends" talk?

Hmmm...I wouldn't throw the babes out with the bathwater just yet.

If you're enjoying the company of these women, by all means continue to do so.

But yes, you're going to have to "JBF" some of them. It's a logistical necessity at this point.

One easy way to make a decision here is to pay careful attention to whether or not any particular woman's feelings are deepening toward you such that she may be starting to think you're "The One" even as you already know she isn't.

You've got to let those women go. Otherwise, you're proceeding with little concern over their emotions, and that's hurtful.

Assuming, however, that the women in your life are tracking with the casual, non-exclusive nature of your relationship with them, the decision making process can indeed appear to be more complicated, can't it?

Considering every woman is an individual, trying to somehow subjectively decide which women stay in your life may be all but impossible.

I mean, how do you compare that spunky ex-gymnast brunette to the leggy, elegant blonde? And those to three other women...each of whom are exquisite snowflakes in their own right?

The answer for me was to draw up what I call "The Spreadsheet".

What you do is you decide upon ten "must have" factors that your ideal woman would have going for her.

These can be anything you want them to be. Don't cheat yourself here by leaving off what others may think is shallow or even a bit eccentric.

Once you have that list together, rank each woman in your life on a scale of 1-10 under each respective factor.

Add each of those columns together, and you'll end up with a number that approaches 100.

Don't skimp when you add up the numbers, either. But at the same time be honest rather than generous.

This process may sound a bit cut and dried, and even flat-out stone cold to some.

But when you have multiple women in your life who all are subjectively fantastic to you, this really is how you get down to measuring the important traits that portend long term potential (or otherwise).

In fact, you may shock yourself at how the numbers add up for the women in your life. There may actually turn out to be wide deltas between them when these objective factors are held up to the light.

But whatever the case, I can all but assure you that this simple exercise will help you figure out who to keep in your circle and who to release so that they can find men who will in turn appreciate them as much as they deserve.

From there, you really, truly shouldn't decide to move forward exclusively with one woman for the rest of your life until you meet your "100".

That might sound insanely picky or even flat-out unreasonable.

But then again, I broke up with a "99" for my "100". Truth.

After all, we're talking about the woman that you, a man in demand, are going to spend the rest of your life with.

You indeed cannot settle. This isn't about charity. You don't marry a woman because you feel sorry for her or because you think she's "probably good enough".

Once you meet your "100", the two of you can volunteer at a soup kitchen or something...together.

And yes, the "I Miss You Factor" was one of the ten columns on my own, personal version of "The Spreadsheet".

Forget what you've heard from any of the PUA guys out there about getting "one-itis", "developing too much feeling for a woman", etc.

Such advice is designed for newbies who tend to lose emotional control over a sexually attractive woman, often before they even meet her.

The point isn't to lose touch with your emotions as a living, breathing human being.

Feeling is living. And when you've got a mature, evolved perspective on women and attraction--the kind that comes from experiential success such as yours--then your feelings will speak the truth to you.

And if you're not missing certain women so much when they're not around, that means that they don't obviate your desire to have other women in your life.

That's rather elementary logic.

But when any woman who may really turn out to be "The One" shows up, and you indeed naturally start wanting her to ride shotgun with you every night, you'll realize you do miss her when she's not around.

...Even when another woman is around.

Ultimately, that's the kind of sign you're looking for.
Scot McKay

[Jerome]

There are about a hundred ways to decode a woman's hidden signals to find out signs she's the one --- however, women are capable of a lot of tricky moves that can somehow boggle our minds to no end. She may say one thing but totally mean the other. She may say she's fine, but truth is, she's undeniably unbelievably downright pissed off out of her guts. Women --- they're just too good to be true, right? So how do we exactly tell if she's worth the time and effort? Are there things that separate her from the rest? Here are the top signs she's the one --- find out if she's for keeps forever!

• She makes you happy. Just by thinking her makes you feel good and light inside. She never fails to light up your mood and would definitely turn you from exhausted to hyper, from misery to contentment and from being too depressed to absolutely happy. She makes you happy --- and you're happy knowing that.
• She inspires you. You're tired as a rock, you think you can never move a single muscle anymore and you're energy is just drained dry --- however, just by the thought of seeing her is enough to keep you inspired and moving. Everything just turns instantly alright --- knowing you have her.
• She trusts you. You aren't really the most honest of men but your girl has built trust and confidence in you. It took some time but she'd gladly put her heart and soul on the line just for you --- and thinking about is just overwhelming that it brought tears to your eyes. No, seriously. You love every minute of this.
• She wants to have you around. Chances are, you see each other everyday and truth is, you don't want her out your sight ever. Every single minute counts and you just can't get enough of her. She's always left you yearning and wanting her even more --- and that includes turning you on without her even trying. You've been hit hard man.
• She loves you. She loves you and she tells you so. We all know what a big thing it is to actually confess your feelings to someone much more try to get her say the three big words at you --- but being in love can make you do certain things. Sometimes, it's just too overwhelming that you just have to spill it out --- or else, it will make you sick.