Is there hope for a relationship or is this a no go?

[megan2122]

So me and this guy whom I have a lot of mutual friends with began talking after we exchanged numbers at the bar. I made it clear from the beginning that I was looking for a serious relationship and not just a hook up. We partied together for about 2 weeks before we both had too many drinks and hooked up..oops. We continued to talk, hang out at his friend's, party together, hook up and even went on ONE real date. Finally after a month of this I told him I thought we should stop having sex because I didn't feel like our relationship would progress if we kept acting like sex buddies (which at that point we pretty much were.) Shortly after he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship..SHOCKER. I told him that was fine and there were no hard feelings. He then proceeded to block me on Snapchat (also fine, if we aren't talking I don't really care to see your face everyday) and I found out through my best friend that he had been posting pictures on Snapchat with his ex (well that explains why I was blocked) and I was fine with it. Then we ran into each other at the bar a few weeks later and we ended up hooking up again. After that he began texting me on the weekends to ask if I was going out and I ignored all of them because I knew I was just his booty call. After some time he asked why I was ignoring him and I told him that what happened was a mistake and I didn't feel like we should stay in contact anymore. I honestly felt super bad about myself at that point. I'm 21 years old and other than this guy the only person I've ever slept with was my ex that I was with for 3 years. I've never been one to have the mindset of sleeping with someone that I'm not in a committed relationship with. So, I stopped going out, stopped drinking and cut him off completely. A month went by and he's texted me and apologized for hurting me and leading me on (even though I told him he didn't need to be sorry due to me being fully aware of my actions) and he said he wanted to try again. He said he wants me to go to his place to watch movies and I told him we aren't having sex to which he agreed he's fine with that. My question is: Should I go forth and try to see where it can go or cut my losses and continue to leave him alone? Many people have told me that once you jump in bed with someone before you're in a committed relationship with them you're pretty much destined to be a booty call because the guy has now lost respect for you. Others have told me that he may have just been scared of commitment. I just need some advice, don't hold back no matter how harsh the reality.

[Terry]

My question is: Should I go forth and try to see where it can go or cut my losses and continue to leave him alone?

Now, you really don't know what he has in mind. You don't know if he wants a relationship or wants you as a sex buddy.

So, in order to find out, give him the chance to hang out. However, make sure there isn't sex, not just for once hanging out with him but for 2 months. If he still remains with you after 2 month without sex, then you know he is now ready to take you seriously.

Also, make sure you aren't carried away at any point to have sex with him just once within this period.

[megan2122]

Soo I ended up going to his house and watching movies. We didn't have sex and I thought we had a good time but it's been two days and he hasn't tried talking to me at all. I haven't tried talking to him either but now I'm thinking since I didn't give him sex he doesn't see the point in talking to me. Should I give in and text him or continue to give him his space and if I dont hear from him in an X amount of days should I cut him off?

[Anthonia]

The first thing you've got to remember if you had sex with him too soon is you can't turn back the hands of time. You don't go a do-over on this. The deed has been done and it's time to look to the future. If he's starting to call less often or if he comes up with excuses for why he can't see you, he's definitely starting to lose interest. One easy way to get that back is to take the romantic aspect of the relationship out of the equation, for now. Often, when a woman sleeps with a man too early he thinks she wants a commitment. He'll pull back because he's scared of that. Show him that you're just as happy to be his friend. Ask him out for lunch or a coffee. Don't chase him down trying to line up some evening plans with him. Give him a little space but let him know you're still available, but not to sleep with.

If you two are still going out, you're probably wondering how you should handle intimacy with him. If you slept with him too soon your initial reaction may be to pull back completely and not sleep with him again right now. If you do that he'll wonder what is going on with you. The key is to time intimacy carefully and make sure it's not the sole focus of your relationship. Make plans to go out sometimes and then don't stay over at his place and don't invite him over to yours. Make it clear, through your actions, that you're not there just to have sex with him. Ensure he sees that you're fun in every setting.

[megan2122]

Soo I ended up going to his house and watching movies. We didn't have sex and I thought we had a good time but it's been two days and he hasn't tried talking to me at all. I haven't tried talking to him either but I don't know what this means.

[Brett]

Here's what generally happens if you and the man you're dating have sex too soon. In the heat of the moment, he enjoys it. That's natural, right? Soon after his mind takes over and starts racing. He begins to question you and your moral compass. After all, if you slept with him so early in the relationship he's going to jump to the conclusion that you've also slept with other men early in those relationships too. This conjures up an unflattering image of you that he isn't going to be able to shake any time soon.

Your best defense in a situation like this is to pretend it didn't happen. You obviously can't rewrite history and go back and not sleep with him. That's done and now you have to move forward.

Since he's pulling back and maybe even avoiding you, you need to pull out all the charm you have. Approach him again, but this time strictly as a friend. Suggest that you two go out for something innocent like a coffee or lunch. Talk about general things. Don't try and explain away the rushed intimacy as this will really just be putting an unwanted spotlight on it. Instead, recreate yourself in his eyes.

Don't sleep with him again too soon. Take your time this time around. Instead work on establishing a mutually respectful friendship. Avoid ending up in situations where intimacy is expected. Hang out with him mid day or meet him at the destination you two are planning on attending. If you do this, he'll start to see you in an entirely new light and the intimacy and how soon it happened won't seem so monumental to him anymore.