He Doesn't Want To Get Into A Relationship With Someone If He Will Be Moving

[Rachael]

I have a question.

I got to go out for coffee with a guy I have had a crush on for about a year. It went well but the summary of the discussion we had about dating was that he is in limbo right now because he has little time with his kids and work. He is seriously considering moving if he will be able to get custody of his children and the courts allow. He basically doesn't want to get into a relationship with someone if he will be moving. He said a number of times that to him dating is about timing.

He does endure a long commute each day and he has kids (2 girls) a lot.

I am uncomfortable pushing the issue if he is not interested. The coffee made me even more sure I would like to get to know him better. Can you translate this "guy speak" because I am baffled.

I am considering send him a thank-you for coffee and hop that he will be able to make time to do it again (soon?). I am uncomfortable making any forthright effort to engage him if he is clearly not interested for whatever reason.

Sigh. He and I are so alike it was like I had known him for years.

Thanks for your input. Take care.

[Elliot]

Although many if not all of the issues he cited might be very real, I've got some difficult news for you. People tend to modify their priorities in a BIG WAY when they meet someone who really moves them. And he's not doing that.

Be really careful not to express too much to a guy about how much you like him too soon. Remember "getting kills wanting".

Also important, as tough as it sounds to do it's best not to invest too much emotional energy in a certain person until much later. The less you feel you need a guy in your life, the more you are likely to attract him...ironically.

Here's an aspect where men and women are remarkably similar. No kidding.

Consider if the tables were turned. If this guy was falling quickly and fawning over you, your gut reaction might be that you could do better. And you would lose attraction for him--probably without even knowing why exactly.

Meet some other guys and take a more casual approach. You'll like the results. And just for good measure, remember that he "gets" to go out for coffee with you also --you aren't the only privileged one.

BTW, all guys reading this take note: Now you know that women can land in the "Just Be Friends" ("JBF") zone too. But...that doesn't change the fact that EVERYTHING here goes DOUBLE for you at all times.

[Rachael]

I appreciate your advice Elliot.