Hi

[Sheuby]

Hi, I am new but uncertain how to proceed. I am married and have been most of my life. I met my husband when I was 22 and he was 41 then we married the following year. Many things have happened but we are quarreling too much and it has to stop.

[Anthony]

It is important for parents to remember that the children are the only victims of a broken family. The spouses who just separated could easily recover having the opportunity to look for other partners thus forgetting their past. But the children could never find second parents. Having foster parents could never replace their real fathers and mothers. In order for the parents to make their marriage to last, they have to understand some marital issues that could just easily put an end to their marriage. Or shall we say, could make their marriage stronger.

Quarrels

Quarrels in marriage always leave a vacuum in the relationship. This may involve silence, of sleeping separately, of not eating together, and this silence might be fatal to marriage. How will you effectively stop a quarrel? Just stop talking! Who wants to talk to someone who does not respond? If arguments will stop, silence will follow. In silence, you will be forced to listen to your conscience, it will be your conscience alone that you have to listen to, and do whatever your conscience dictates.

When you have cooler minds, you can then discuss your concerns.

Money

A common cause of break-up in marriage is money. Wives complained that their husbands are not giving them enough money to meet the budget; while some husbands complained that their wives did not allow them leisure although they are the ones working and need a break. Everybody feels the urgent need for money.

If you will only identify the needs, you will find out that money is not always as urgent as what you believe! You can cut your budget if there are other needs or you can relax at the back of your home and spare yourself of a costly vacation. What is needed is initiative and little sacrifice.

Arguing in front of the children

I read somewhere that you should not argue in front of your children. This will shaken their faith in marriage as an institution.

If you cannot help but argue in front of your children, then do so! Just take note; limit yourselves to verbal exchange and no physical abuse. Most important, discuss issues, not personalities. If issues will be discussed, you will likely come to a resolution. Better still, ask your children to join in the discussion. If your arguments are participative, you are teaching your children to think maturely, and they will be your best advisers when you believe something wrong has become to your marriage.

Having the ability to understand marital issues could make them work for your marriage. It is only a matter of little sacrifices with the earnest desire of what is best for your family.

[Becky]

We all know if we want to save our marriage, we need to fix the problems first. However, the sad truth is most couples do not sit down and discuss how they should solve their problems. How to solve problems in marriage?

- Do not blame on each other
Many couples think it is difficult to talk out their problems because they will point on each other's fault when trying to make peace. "You are the one who is at fault first." Does that sound familiar? Remember, when you want to solve your marriage problems, the main purpose is solve it and not to argue who is right or wrong. Do not get defensive, be calm and patient to listen out the problems.

- Do not choose to avoid your marriage problems
The only way to solve problems in marriage is to face it. Small problems may just snowball and become a big problem one day. If this day comes, your spouse will probably explode and not tolerate the problems anymore. This may end up in a divorce.

- Do not criticize on each other
Nobody is perfect in this world. When we love someone, we should also love their flaws. Instead of criticizing your spouse's actions or character. Why not think of a good way and improve together?

- Do not show your temper
Learn to control your temper when you are discussing your marriage problems with your spouse. I can understand sometimes some of the words you heard can be hurting, but showing your temper when you are trying to solve your problems may just make your situation worse.

It is never too late to fix your marriage and restore your love with your spouse. There are many proven ways of doing so.