My Girlfriend Wants To Have A Threesome With Two Guys At Once

[Sammy]

Just had my girl tell me that she had a really sexual dream of being with two guys for the first time. She said it was real hot. We've had threesomes with girls before, but not a guy.

I'm totally uncomfortable and would NOT want to do this with her. It may be hot to think about as a fantasy but god I wouldn't want that to happen. I have anxiety about what things that could lead to. BUT I also know I shouldn't ever judge a women's fantasy. I know the reason she felt okay telling me is that I've created a safe relationship where she can let her dirtiest fantasies out.

But what now? She asked if I'd ever be comfortable with that. I told her it was hot and that I wasn't sure, maybe, but who knows how it'd be in real life.

How do I tell her it's not something I would be okay with, without making her feel like she can't express her inner dirty desires to me... This has made me feel real insecure for some reason (and I'm normally very secure with sexuality and exploring things)

Thanks for the advice.

[Bradwin]

First... I am going to go into some detail here... and the big picture... important advice that you NEED TO GET in this situation... and here is my first piece of “advice”... settle down.

Obviously this situation is causing you some anxiety... and most men would certainly feel the same way... so let us dig in... take a deep breath and fill up with all the good news here.

1) You have a woman so sexually open with you that she is willing to invite other women into your bed.... only a small percentage of men manage this despite the fact that the vast majority of women have bisexual fantasies and many... not all, obviously... secretly wish their man would take charge and make it happen.

2) You have got her so impressed by your own level of sexual confidence that she is unafraid to bring up the most taboo subject of all to a man... inviting another MAN into your bed.

That is a huge vote of confidence in your confidence!

3) You did not freak out and shut her down and make her feel bad... wrong... or slut shame her for having a fantasy.

In other words... you are the real deal my friend... a “sexually confident masculine man” and obviously a great lover for your woman... so... YOU DO NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A HUMAN.

To the degree that you are down on yourself for being a bit freaked out about another man entering your womans holiest of holies... you feel a sense of shame... and shame is the enemy here... and after all... she is confident enough to bring other attractive women in... so you have some evidence to back up your shame around your discomfort...

Which is why you are talking to ME about this instead of HER.

Now... remember the advice I gave you earlier... “settle down”... have courage... and here is a step by step guide on how to handle this...

1) The “good” news.... you already did the first thing RIGHT... you DID NOT shame her for her desires.

The second a woman feels a tiny hint of you shaming her for having sexual desires she will share them with her vibrator... her best friends... and possibly the man she is having an affair with... AND never again with YOU.

Women... like men... ARE human... and part of the human condition is having all sorts of deep... powerful... and often really kinky sexual desires and cravings.

2) Do not assume that just because she has a fantasy... that she NEEDS to... or even WANTS to... live it out in real life.

I have had many fantasies about fighting a dual with razor sharp swords with some bad guy that is terrorizing a group of damsels in distress... in my fantasy... by the way... I always win with stunning skill and grace... and get the woman... and then RAVISH her.

Do I really want a man swinging sharpened steel at me?

Hell no... not for real... yes I sword fight for sport... the REAL DEAL... hmm... no thank you.

Sexually speaking... most men... myself included... have indulged in fantasies ranging from the immoral to the absolutely illegal... and most of us do not want to act them in real life... and we certainly do not NEED to act them out in real life.

Now... in your case... it sounds like your girlfriend WANTS to try this out in real life... and I assure you... she does not NEED to... and if you stay cool... she is not going to be disappointed... leave... cheat... think you are a big pussy... or anything like that... and you have my personal guarantee on that... because...

3) You can still enjoy this kind of thing as a fantasy.

If she wants to play... then PLAY.

You can buy a life like dildo... and if you shut the lights off there are all kinds of creative ways that you and your toy can "double team" your girl that you will both enjoy.

You can also become different men for her by taking on different persona while sexing her... try tying her wrists and blind folding her and then having a large group of very different men take turns having their way with her... all of them actually you of course.

I am pretty sure she will love it... and almost certainly would NOT love having a train run on her in real life... some things are just better in fantasy... like my sword fight.

Yet... what if she wants... more?

4) Look... first of all... before you can have a clean conversation with her about it... you have to get it clean with YOUR SELF.

Why are you not okay with bringing in another man?

Let me share some “biological and psychological science” with you...

There is a biological imperative wired into your male DNA that no other man can touch your woman?

You are afraid of losing her?

You are afraid he will have a bigger cock... a harder cock... F69k her harder... that she will like it better and fantasize about him afterwards?

That another man in the room will be so anxiety producing that you will not be able to get it up and you will stand their helplessly with your limp penis in your hand while the man you brought home together pounds your woman into a frenzy of animalistic orgasms?

Smiles... sorry... I know it is tough to think about... all of us men have this wiring... and to the degree that we hide from it... it controls us as shame.

And to the degree that you can look at yourself and say....

"Yes... here is where my fear and discomfort are... and I am cool with that... I am fine as I am.... it is okay to be a human with human fears."

Then you are the Master... you know your limits... and that is okay.

Sit inside of those feelings of fear and inadequacy... examine the "worst thing that could happen"... and realize you will live through it... I am saying "you will like it"... I am saying you would live through it.

Once you can be okay with your self and not feel shame around it... you can have an “open conversation” with your woman and explain what you are willing... and what you are NOT willing to do in comfortable way.

When you both have an understanding of where your fears come from... and recognize your desire to grow past your fears... which does not necessarily mean that you will EVER want to bring in another man... then SHE WILL NOT WANT TO bring a man in either.

She may still fantasize about it and desire it... and she will not want to do it in real life because she will be clear that she has got the better end of the deal already... she will respect your limits without feeling like she is giving anything up.

Some day... perhaps because of her clear choice to respect your limits as a man... and your own desire to face your fears... you two might cross that line together... or maybe you will not... the mature thing for your relationship is that you are both okay with not knowing the answer to that question.

5) And what about the fact that she is “allowing” in women... is that not unfair?

No it is not.

First of all... men and women are different... womens deep insecurities lie in different locations and there are differences in the way we are biologically wired... that is even more true of us as individuals... some men and women are just more comfortable as swingers... just because she is wired to be okay with it... does not mean that you have to be... and vice versa.

Second... and this really is important... though you did not mention it... I would wager a sum of cash that your woman likes other women... and do not get upset here... there are far more “bi sexual” and “bi curious” women around then you could imagine... which is to say... you are BOTH enjoying bringing that woman in and you are sharing her together... so take that as a BIG bonus... that you have such a woman you are in a “relationship” with.

And I am also willing to wager a bunch of cash that YOU are not bisexual... and you do not like men sexually... so if you brought a man in... you would not be sharing him together.

This is a pretty significant difference... and while plenty of straight men can enjoy a male... male... female threesome... it often becomes competitive and weird... and the odds of the vibe becoming negative are much higher than for a male... female... female threesome.

NOW...

Do these steps in order and you will be fine.

Do these in reverse order and logically explain to her that two dudes is bad and two girls is good... and you will make her feel judged.

And if you do these in order... and do YOUR WORK FIRST... and get clear and COMFORTABLE... unafraid and unashamed of being a human with human limitations... then she will completely understand this conversation.

And lastly... I gotta put in a shameless pitch here because sexual and personal confidence is so relevant to this conversation... if you have anxiety around the idea of your woman being with other men...

Then please contact me and we can work through the issues together... she deserves the “fullness” of the confident masculine man inside of you.

[Brett]

A threesome is the ultimate sexual fantasy of many men. Of course, you might worry whether your girlfriend might ever let you have a threesome with her. There are three important factors needed in order for her to say "yes" when the time comes.

1. Vibe

In order to have a snowball's chance in hell at having a threesome with your girlfriend, you must set a good sexual vibe with your woman. If you are sexually conservative with her, asking her for a threesome out of the blue will be a stretch.

One of the greatest books on persuasion written is called, "Persuasion", by Robert Cialdini. In the book he has a technique called, "commitment and consistency." This means that people will behave in a way that is consistent with who they think they are. Therefore if you behave like you are conservative, or treat her like she should be conservative, she won't be willing to explore with you.

Set the tone of sexual adventure from the start. Make love to her in the ways that she secretly fantasizes about. Ravage her. Explore her sexually, and let her know that your sexual relationship is based on exploration and adventure. This might mean trying "kinky" things. This means keeping an open mind, and never judging her in bed - ever.

Start small, and build it up, so that when you ask for a threesome, it will seem consistent with the nature of your sexual relationship.

If you aren't comfortable doing these things, then you probably don't have the vibe necessary for her to agree to a threesome:

- Dirty talk - Comfortable with the occasionally biting, spanking, hair pulling and other signs of dominance in bed - Variety and unpredictability - Already very good at pleasing her sexually.

While the above list is not super necessary, they are telltale signs of the one factor that is -- sexual confidence. You must be very sexually confident. If you have that confidence with her, asking for a threesome is easy. If you are even a little insecure about yourself in bed, then perhaps you should put the threesome request on hold until you handle your own sexual insecurity.

Women want to please their men if they are doing a good job. Learn to please her like she's never experienced before. With all the resources on the internet, you can easily become the best lover that she's ever had. It's much easier for a woman to say yes to threesome, if she when she has sex with you, she consistently has the time of her life.

If she's always left frustrated by you, then she won't want to "reward" you for a threesome -- you haven't earned it.

2. Rules

When adding another girl (or guy) to the sexual relationship, trust is required. This is why clear rules about the threesome are important. Here are some of the rules I have.

My girlfriend is the primary woman, and the other girl is a secondary playmate. There is no confusing that. We must both think she is hot. We both have the right to say no at any time, no questions asked.

These rules ensure that we never feel uncomfortable, or cheated on, and that the experience is always mutually fun. Break the rules at your own risk, as you will permanently kill her trust.

3. Lead

When it comes to relationships, the woman expects the man to be the one who risks rejection at all times. This is no exception. This means that you have to get naked first. You have to make the moves first. You have to lead the two women through the experience. Tell them what to do next.

This is similar to having a good vibe. The vibe in the relationship should be, "I, your boyfriend, lead you through amazing sexual exploration and growth." If you've established the vibe correctly, you may not even have to ask her for a threesome, you can just tell her.

You MUST lead the situation. Even if you're with a girl who has fantasized about having a threesome for years, she is not going to participate if you do not lead her. She will probably be very nervous about being with a girl -- maybe even self conscious.

The second girl will also be looking to you for leadership. She won't just jump on you. Here's a tip: whatever you want the second girl to do, do to your girlfriend first, then do to her, then make the two girls do.

Here's an example: kiss your girlfriend, then kiss her, then make them kiss. This is the order for everything. This is the order which a leader will take.

Here's another tip: In a threesome situation, you might find resistance from the second girl. Do not lose your confidence. She might be uncomfortable because she's never done this before. Your superb sexual confidence is key. If she resists, don't fuss, pull back, smile confidently, and then try again a bit later.

Do not lose your cool, if the second girl is letting you come on to her, in front of your girlfriend, she knows what's going on... with that said, as a disclaimer, no means no.

[Clay]

Oddly enough, the first question that most men have about 3-in-a-bed sex (Especially if MFF is their fantasy) is actually has a simple answer:

Q. How do I get a girl to have a threesome with me?
A. Ask!

Countless e-books and magazine articles have been written on the topic, but 9 times out of 10, she will be dropping hints that this is one of her fantasies. From there it is a simple matter of progressing her to the point where she will actually have the threesome in real life.

As all men know, picking up on her hints can sometimes be like learning a different language. The hints that she is interested in a threesome fantasy will usually range from subtle, but clear to baffling. What you are looking for are here responses to things rather than her words. If she responds well to movies with a bisexual element or admits to being attracted to actresses in movies, then obviously she is sending you some massive hints. Women are often even subtler than that and she may tell you stories of couples that had threesomes or bring it up as a joke to test your reaction. While the ways that she will tell you vary a lot, she will try and get the message through to you if you listen hard enough.

Once she tells you that she is interested, a lot of guys then make a mistake by giving her a label like 'bisexual' or similar. While some women wear this label with pride, most don't want the kind of dramatic lifestyle change these labels imply, they simply want to live a fantasy. Most couples that have a lot of threesomes use words girl-girl or even referring to the third person as a 'toy' so that they can enjoy the fantasy without any extra emotional baggage.

How to Get from 'Interested' to Threesome

The next steps involve gently progressing towards the fantasy. It can be tough for a woman just to find herself right in a threesome as often the reality is different from the fantasy that she has in her head. Progression can take many forms such as using erotic movies to give her an idea of what it would be like (Make sure the movie is female friendly though as many aren't) or even taking her to strip club and letting her have fun there. As a general rule most strippers have no problems with female-female lap-dancing as long as they are paid suitably.

How to: Threesome Advice

The final thing that has to be established are the 'ground rules.' threesomes don't just have one kind, there are many. As well as the standard M.M.F. (An abbreviation for 2 males and a female in the bed) and M.F.F. (Male-female-female abbreviated) varieties there are other kinds including:

* Both partners have sex with the third person
* Only one partner has sex with the third person (Man watches the two girls together and doesn't join in/ Man has sex with each girl in turn). It is worth mentioning that some women will want a threesome, but will not have sex with the other woman.
* Neither has sex with the third person, for example, the third person masturbates while the couple have sex with each other. This is rare, but does happen and falls into the voyeuristic fantasy category.

In addition, it is worth taking some time to define general rules, especially who has sex with who and what is allowed. Many a good fantasy is ruined by not clearly defining what is and isn't allowed. This will make a lot of difference during the threesome and could make all the difference to your relationship.

[Sammy]

I never expected the advice I got here, very detailed. Thank you all.