I Found Out My Husband Is Watching Porn, Is Moaning During Sex Important?

[Vivian]

I found out my husband is watching porn but with the volume off. This is not because he is being secretive; the speakers on the computer don't work. So he is big on looking at pics, and I want to know why the "moans" are not important as they say?

He also watches teen porn, not exclusively, which I find disturbing.

I did a search on the internet, some say it is okay, some don't.

What do you say?

Thanks!

[Barry]

Hey Vivian,

Buckle in folks, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride…

Why Do Men (AND WOMEN) Like Porn?

Ummm…why is the sky blue? Listen, men and women like porn because, well, they’re human. Our society for centuries has told us that sex is bad, when we all know sex isn’t bad; it’s fun and it feels good. But because of this stigma, a lot of people automatically assume that porn is bad. There is also the stigma that men watch more porn that women. That’s just a big, fat lie. Women love porn just as much as men and watch it just as much as men do. (Cue gasps of dissent/disbelief…)

Porn allows us to live out our fantasies. It allows us to express ourselves sexually in a safe way. Someone might have a foot fetish and is too shy to tell their partner that, so they watch it online. Also, it allows us to relieve some damn stress.

My favorite thing about your question, Deborah, is it brings up a difference between men and women.

Men and Women (usually) prefer different kinds of porn

Why does your husband watch porn with no noise? Well, he doesn’t need it. As I talk about in my program The Secret Survey: What Men Desperately Want You To Know But Are Too Afraid to Tell You, men are visual creatures.

See, men and women are triggered by different things sexually. It’s why you don’t find men picking up romance novels and getting all hot and bothered. They need to SEE it. Women can read a steamy romance novel and get all wet down below, but it’s not going to do much for a man. Seeing a woman, however, with her lips around a guys…a…cucumber…does turn them on. They can put themselves in the situation, just like a woman can put herself “into” the romance novel. (Have you ever noticed that descriptions on men in romance novels are very detailed and the women are barely described at all? Yeah…there’s a reason for that…)

Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of women who love watching the video I described above, but we have to talk in general terms here.

So is the Moaning Not Important?

When watching porn? No. For a man it’s a great bonus, but he doesn’t need to hear that to get off. (Conversely, I know a lot of women who HAVE to hear the moaning to get off while watching porn.)

But…

During Sex? HELL YES!

A lot of people find it hard to separate watching porn from having sex. They are 2 very different things. Yes, you get off when watching porn, but you’re doing that to relieve stress, or because you just woke up, or because you’re bored, or because you want to feel good for 10 minutes. Sex is different. Sex is an experience. Sex isn’t just about you.

When you have that other person in bed with you, you want to make sure they are feeling good and we express that (a lot of the time) by moaning. And when you hear your partner moan with delight, well, there is nothing hotter than that.

Now, on to your next question:

Why Does He Like Teen Porn?

Women, brace yourselves, cause there is no easy way to put this…

You know when you hear about history and all of these old men wanting to marry/bed super young women? It’s kinda like that. Basically, younger women are more fertile, they are “in their prime” physically and well, they are great to look at.

Now, I am NOT CONDONING THIS AT ALL. I’m explaining why hot words/phrases like “Just turned 18!” and “Barely legal teen!” draw men on porn sites like bees to honey.

As someone who has a lot of friends in the porn industry, trust me, those girls are legal. And if they aren’t, one that's fucked up, and two it’s illegal.

A couple weeks back, here in Washington, our Facebook feeds got filled with a story of 37 year old man who asked a 16 year told girl out at a Starbucks. He apparently passed her a note asking her to dinner and she reported him to her manager and he got banned from that Starbucks. (Well done Starkbucks!)

What’s more disturbing about that story, other than that she was clearly a minor, is that he has is own website where he talks about wanting to be with only women under a certain age because they are more fertile, and how his older age mean’s his sperm will help prevent cancer and many other “fun” theories as well.

THAT GUY IS A CREEP. Your man watching 18 year old girls who have agreed to be in a porn video…well, not a creep. I hope you see the difference.

You also mentioned that that is not the only thing in his porn history. So I don’t think it’s a problem.

Phew…

[Terry]

Did you know that many women are afraid of giving head to a man? Believe me they do. The reason is because of men. Sounds funny? It's not. Many men turn wild in the bedroom and when a woman is performing fellatio on them they think that they have some kind of porn star in front of them who would continue no matter what. Well this is not the case, you can't go hard on a woman performing fellatio, you have to be gentle and let her do her job. It's the only way to make her come back for more, to let her enjoy it.

On the other side, there are women that are not afraid of men, but they are afraid of oral sex it self. They believe that they don't know what to do, hence, they keep trying to avoid it.

Women in both categories should understand a very simple thing. Oral sex is very very important to men. So, put some attention, try to learn how to do it right and if your man goes rough on you tell him to stop! Take control of the situation and you know what? He'll thank you later.

A woman giving good head is a woman with power, is woman able to go wild in the bedroom. I am sure you want to become such a woman right? You want to give your man (or every possible man!!) the best oral sex he ever had in his entire life. You want to make him scream and beg you for more. And you know, when he starts begging then you will know that the power is yours.

Taking into account all of the above, you could easily think that you don't want to become an oral sex goddess for your man but just for yourself. Yeah, do it for yourself. Give yourself that chance and you'll love it at the end.

So, how would you gain such power? How would you become a fellatio expert? Let me give you some great tips for real women.

Firstly you have to be confident. Show him that you know what you are doing, even though you don't. Fake it till you make it. Make the first step and show him who's in charge, show him that you are not afraid of him, show him that you are fearless. He'll love it!

Lick whatever you can, lick all over the place. Don't just spend all you time licking and sucking the top of his penis. Lick it up and down, lick and suck the testicles and if you can deep throat. Deep throat is very stimulating, put his dick as far down in your mouth as you can, by time you'll know how far you can go. Also use your hands. When sucking him you can play with his testicles or jerking him off. Be creative.

Try to moan of pleasure.. Men love when women moan. Try not to be silent, try to show him that you are also enjoying it, that you love what you're doing and moan communicating your satisfaction and passion. This is a very easy thing to do but believe me it would make a huge difference to him.

Don't you know that men want their woman to be a lady while in public but a total porn star when in bedroom? Well, be that porn star, be that bad girl he always wanted and give him the best head he ever imagined.

[Vivian]

Thank you for you advice Barry and Terry.