I Was Sexually Abused and No One Did Anything about It

[Gloria]

I am really stuck on the fact that I was sexually abused and no one did anything about it. And over the years my family has distanced themselves from and I from them because I am angry about it all. And then over the years when they were inconsiderate and lied about me, I cussed them out and it drove even more of a wedge. Now I am basically estranged from my family and now that is difficult to deal with and not sure if/how to fix it!

Suggestions?

[Judith]

Hi Gloria. So often, dealing with our families is one of the biggest hurdles to healing. The sense of betrayal can feel as bad as the betrayal from the abuse itself. Sometimes we have to accept that our families are not capable of being who we deserve them to be. If this is the case it's important to understand what your boundaries are and practice staying committed to them. A therapist or coach can definitely help with this. Good luck to you.

[Tina]

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, there are too many of us out here. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable sharing my story in such a big way due to the ethics of self-disclosure. Looking back, I wish I had done it much sooner.

[Rachael]

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now. I know how difficult it is, how overwhelming it can feel, when you realize everyone around you is even more dysfunctional than you are. The fact that you recognize how "crazy" they are likely says a lot about how you are not. Whatever your struggles are, they can be healed. Don't allow your perceived "craziness" keep you from connecting with positive, healthy people in your life.

[Mabel]

Allowing yourself to feel and move through grief is imperative to having a healthy, happy life. I love how you talked about how years later when you experienced heartbreak, you were able to allow it and move through it. This is a key to healing.

[Jane]

Healing on your own is nearly impossible to do. Depending on where you live, there may be low cost or even free counseling available to you. Many communities in the US have rape crisis centers that provide counseling for survivors of childhood abuse. They also provide support groups which are an important part of a healing journey. I woud encourage you to look into those options. They generally have people specifically trained in these issues so can sometimes be an even better alternative to a general therapist in private practice.

Practicing self-care is a really important step in being able to see yourself differently. While it can be difficult to do on your own, The Courage to Heal is a great book for survivors.

[Becky]

In the beginning, allowing yourself a moment to believe in the possibility for your healing is a step toward healing. In fact, it's the first and probably most important step. Though it can sometimes take a while to get there.

[Kate]

Oh, but you are a survivor, Gloria! You may have a lot of healing to do, but you are a survivor. Many therapists have difficult hisotries. I think it can give a helpful perspective in the work. I would just STRONGLY encourage you to make sure you've had your own therapy first so you don't unintentionally create more difficulty for your client.