I've Been Having Problems Getting an Erection When I'm Around My Girlfriend

[Clinton]

I've been having problems getting an erection when i'm around my girlfriend. I've recently just started dating her, and whenever we begin to fool around, I can't get an erection.

My self-diagnosis is that its sexual anxiety, that I am worried that I wont be able to get an erection, thus making me not get one. This isn't the first time, for the past year this has been the case whenever i'm with a girl. It can't be a physical reason because in the mornings i always have an erection.

Do you have any special advice that would help me stop being so anxious?

[Sammy]

Hi Clinton,

I would try talking to your current girlfriend about it.

Just be cool and have a sense of humour about it.

Do not make it a big deal like having to tell her that you have HIV... just say....

"Look, I know it's a little weird, and I seem to grappling with some sexual anxiety here. Frankly it's a bit confusing to me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd help me work through it."

Then coach her on the process, figuring out what you need from her as you go.

AND MAKE SURE SHE HAS FUN IN THE PROCESS.

Now I am going to share with you a personal story Tom.

Going back some years I was courting a smokingly hot blond.

And there was big chemistry between us.

We had been courting for a couple of months.

We had been out for the night and we ended up back to my place.

We both knew we wanted each other badly, and the energy between us was achingly hot.

Well we ended up in my bed and things between us where really getting sizzling and she was very turned on.

However I was starting to feel really worried... "Mr Cock" was in a "coma" and she noticed and asked me if anything was wrong?

Keeping a straight face... I looked her in the eye, then looked down at my self, flicked my privates a bit... looked back at her... and said...

"It seems I have brought a piece of string with me instead of a pool cue, I wont be pocketing any balls in your hole with that?"

With that she bust out laughing... and that broke the tension for me... I relaxed.

We can all suffer "performance anxiety" Tom... it happens to the best of us.

Well after 10 minutes of laughter, smiles, kissing, cuddling and caressing. Mr Cock woke up with a vengence and a very "passionate" night was enjoyed by both of us.

Now Tom, take the pressure of yourself, explain, calmly and with masculine strength (hold eye contact, do not look down like you are ashamed... relax your body so you are not speaking with a constricted throat... that you are very attracted to her and that you are very turned on and enjoying being sexual with her even if you are not getting an erection.

She is going to have some insecurities and self-doubt about it, even if she says she does not.

Tell her with confidence that you are going to give her a good time with or without an erection, and tell her that you are also enjoying every second of it with or without an erection.

Tell the truth when you tell her that.

And then make it true when you do it.

Nothing works better than the truth when it comes to putting your partner at ease.

Then set aside a couple of hours and go have some great sex play without being concerned with whether or not you have an erection.

Chances are, at some point, if you focus only on the pleasure you are both having, your erection will show up and then you can enjoy that part too.

Do not try to force it to happen and do not be disappointed if it does not.

It will, all by itself.

And the "problem" will sort itself out quickly after that and most likely will not return with your next girlfriend.

Use this opportunity while you do not have an erection to worry about to cultivate other sexual skills like tuning into her body, building sexual trust, and learning how to patiently and lovingly please a woman on your own terms.

[Bill]

How does one overcome sexual anxiety?

Sexual anxiety can be the 1,000-pound pink elephant in the room. It is something most men don't want to talk about, nearly all men will deny ever having experienced, and yet will affect virtually everyone at some point in their lifetime. Anybody who claims they have never been nervous about having sex is either lying or lives with a healthy dose of narcissism. While sexual anxiety can range from having a few butterflies in the stomach to a crippling emotional condition warranting assistance by a professional sex therapist, there are ways to ease the anxiety and make sex more enjoyable. Taking charge of one's sexual life in terms of emotional health, penis health and physical health can help lead to a more satisfying love life all around.

What is sexual anxiety?

Also known as performance anxiety, the crux of the problem begins with overanalyzing and putting too much pressure on one performance, which can ultimately lead to a poor performance come show time. Many men seem to equate bringing about female orgasm with masculinity and worry that if they do not measure up to a woman's standards, they will be seen as less of a man. Society's ideals of male sexuality are constantly bombarding the typical man, often creating unrealistic expectations of what a man should look like and how he should perform in bed. Magazines are splashed with 6-pack abs and mind-blowing sex tips every man should know. Often, turning on the TV will find a steamy between-the-sheets session between two impossibly good-looking people -- who seem to have endless stamina and passion for one another -- as their sweaty bodies cascade in orgasm after orgasm. And that is happening in the PG world, never mind the way that the adult film industry portrays male sexuality.

For some men, all this media input skews their perception of their own bodies, leading them to believe that they cannot live up to their partner's expectations. Thus, when it comes time to knock boots, some men become self-conscious and hyper-focused on what they are doing rather than what they are feeling, which is a recipe for an unsatisfying experience. In some cases, this performance anxiety can even lead to prolonged dysfunction.

How to overcome sexual anxiety

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Part of solving the problem is getting to the root of the problem, so often self-exploration is needed to determine the underlying cause. Men can ask themselves, "What am I afraid of?" or "What is making me feel nervous?" to help determine what may be the cause of the anxiety leading up to a sexual encounter. Below are a few quick tips to help curb sexual anxiety; however, men suffering from long-term, severe cases should consider professional help.

• Relax: It is pretty hard to enjoy oneself during sex when simultaneously analyzing one's body fat content and trying to recall the last 20 moves in the Kama Sutra. Remember, nobody's perfect, so try to put insecurities aside and have fun.
• De-stress: Anxiety begets anxiety. Work, family and money stressors can be carried over into the bedroom without even trying. Make a conscious effort to leave anxiety at the door and mentally "check-out" during intimate moments.
• Exercise: It may sound simplistic, but exercise releases feel-good endorphins into the brain, which help to combat anxiety. Additionally, working out may provide a jolt of self-confidence in the bedroom, making it easier to be naked and vulnerable with a partner.
• Breathe: Obviously people are always breathing, but purposeful deep breaths slows down the nervous system and fights anxiety. Breathing in for the count of 4, holding it for the count of 4, and breathing out for the count of 4 can actually help boost relaxation. Really, try it.
• Talk about it: Sexual anxieties may be the last thing a man wants to talk to his partner about, but chances are she has already noticed something is going on. It is best to get it out in the open, as she may just have a response to help solve the whole problem. It is also important to communicate, because ones' partner may misread anxiety cues -- such as avoidance of intercourse -- as a sign of infidelity or rejection of her body, leading to additional issues down the road.

[Caleb]

There are effective sexual performance anxiety treatments that can help you permanently eliminate your fears and anxiety of engaging in quality sexual activities with your partner. So, if you are afraid or always embarrassed to have sex with any woman or you are deeply concerned you may not satisfy your lover very well or are concerned about your erections or you even feel embarrassed because of ejaculating too quickly, know that you will be able to quickly end your cycle of anxiety whenever you want to have sex with your partner without the risk and side effects of powerful antidepressant drugs or alcohol, once you are willing to open your mind to learn new things.

Why you should consider an effective sexual performance anxiety treatment that is right for you? This is because you need to quickly restore your relationship, self-esteem and confidence before you cause serious damage to them.

And why you should start a natural treatment for sexual performance anxiety? Most men quickly ejaculate the moment they see the beautiful thighs of a lovely woman; not once but every time. In fact, they get invitation from beautiful and even wealthy women willing to sleep with them but they give all kinds of excuse and even run away like little kids for fear of embarrassing themselves.

Most men take to massive alcohol consumption and antidepressants thinking that they will help to make them last longer in bed to their utter disappointment. These drugs have various side effects. Let us take a good look at some of the common side effects of antidepressant drugs we sometimes use to enhance our sexual performance.

Dry mouth, erection problems, bladder problems, weight gain, blurred vision, dizziness, drowsiness, increased heart rate, nausea, nightmares, constipation, insomnia, heart palpitations, agitations, headaches and nervousness.

Other side effects include confusion, suicidal and homicidal thoughts, kidney problems, stiffness of the muscles, liver and heart problems.

However, an effective treatment to naturally and safely eliminate sexual performance anxiety works by creating a natural equilibrium in the brain chemicals called neurotransmitters associated with anxiety and fear. These chemicals are known as serotonin and norepinephrine. Your brain controls how well you perform in bed with your partner. Learning the right techniques to balance these chemicals will help your body to overcome any form of performance anxiety.

Here's a simple trick to help you learn how to eliminate sexual performance anxiety safely and naturally.

Imagine a sexual experience that makes you feel happy and confident. Dwell on a sexual experience where you felt confident, calm, and in control. Feed that successful sexual accomplishment into your subconscious mind by reliving it repeatedly in as vivid detail as possible in your conscious mind. This experience will be recorded as a command by your subconscious mind to repeat the success experience in your next sexual encounter.

Before you engage your partner in bed, ensure you close your eyes, breathe deeply, and relax. Deep breathing is a powerful way to deal with sexual performance anxiety and relaxes both your mind and your body, giving you greater control and preparing you to be at your best when you want to have sex with your partner.

When you do deep breathing, ensure you fill your lungs completely so that you can feel them pressing on your diaphragm. Hold this breath for a few seconds and then exhale slowly. Repeat this exercise 7 times and you will become completely calm and anxiety-free. Your mind and body will become relax. You will then be in a good shape of mind to program yourself for how you want to perform in bed and for how long. In short, you will become a completely new person.

Try this technique today as your first sexual performance anxiety treatment and you will be amazed at how well you become.

[Brett]

Sexual performance anxiety can be DEADLY for men.

Now of course I don't mean that sexual performance anxiety will actually kill you...

What I mean is that your sex life will DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL death if you don't learn how to tackle sexual performance anxiety.

When you go about having sex with a lot of anxiety all kinds of problems crop up... Like not being able to get "it" up, heavy sweating, premature ejaculation and overall ZERO SATISFACTION FOR HER.

On the other hand...

If you can successfully overcome sexual performance anxiety then anything becomes possible in bed. When you are confident in bed suddenly you'll find yourself lasting longer because you're more relaxed. You'll find you have erections so rock hard it'll blow your woman's mind. On top of that, your sexual confidence will be so high that your woman experiences a whole new you and probably ends up having the BEST SEX OF HER LIFE.

The good news is that sexual performance anxiety isn't a "disease" you catch, a "gene" you're born with or anything else you can't change.

Sexual performance anxiety is something you create in your head.

It's something that happens unconsciously inside of you.

And because you are ultimately the one who creates sexual performance anxiety, this also means you have the power to change it.

So here is my 2 step cure to beating sexual performance anxiety.

1 - Understand What Women Really Think...

One of the top causes of sexual performance anxiety is worrying about what the woman you're with is thinking.

Typically we, men will worry about how she might be judging us or what she thinks we're doing wrong.

In fact, the OPPOSITE is true...

Here's what 95% of women are REALLY thinking.

"What does he think of me?"

It's so easy to forget that women are people too and they have their own insecurities too.

When we do something wrong in bed, like not last very long, can't get it up or think we're not good or "big" enough we'll typically go into a frenzy of worry...

"What does she think?", "does she hate me?", "will she leave me for this?", etc.

And naturally this gives us performance anxiety.

The reality is that when we do something we think is wrong or bad in bed then OFTEN THE WOMAN WILL BLAME HERSELF.

Say we don't last very long, the woman might think "what did I do wrong?" or she might think "wow, I must be looking sexy tonight if he came that quickly".

Or say we're worried about our penis size, at that same time the woman is probably not even thinking about our penis size and is instead thinking "are my boobs big enough for him?" or "does he think I'm fat?".

Now, I'm not saying every woman is obsessively paranoid about themselves when it comes to sex. What I'm saying is that in general, we as men spend WAY too much time worrying about what she's thinking, when in fact she's probably not even thinking about the same thing at all.

When you realize that she's probably not even thinking about all the negative stuff you think she is and that she is just as self-conscious as you are, this allows you to relax MASSIVELY.

And of course, when you're this relaxed, your performance anxiety instantly MELTS AWAY.

2 - Use Visualization

What causes sexual performance anxiety?

Worrying about sex.

And what causes us to worry about sex?

The thoughts going through our head.

This means the simple way to beat sexual performance anxiety is to change the thoughts going through our head.

One of the easiest ways to do this is through VISUALIZATION.

Generally worrying happens when we see pictures of things going wrong in our head.

We see things like our woman criticizing us, us doing something "bad" in bed or we see our woman being disappointed with us.

A dead simple way to get rid of anxiety is to therefore VISUALIZE AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL.

This sounds so simple, but it works.

Spend some time everyday day (5 minutes is fine) visualizing yourself being a new confident you. See how you act confidently in bed. See how you carry your body differently when you are confident. Is your facial expression different? Do you breath differently? More deeply? What do you think about when you're super confident? What do you say to yourself?

Dedicate 5 minutes a day to this and soon you'll find yourself acting this new confident way AUTOMATICALLY when you start having sex.

This combined with understanding what women really think will eliminate your sexual performance anxiety in no time.

[Clinton]

Great advice from all of you, thank you.

[EDDoctorOnline]

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More than 40% of men over 40 have some degree of ED. This is because as men age, they experience several changes in their bodies. These include low-T, increased risks of vascular diseases, hypertension, and depressive disorders.