I Am Getting a Divorce after 18 Months of Hell

[Clay]

I am getting a divorce after 18 months of hell. My wife was abusive, a narcissist, manipulative, destroyed my property and hit me and verbally and financially abused me. She hid her true colors very well, and I fell for it.

I have as much feeling for her as Ed Helms had for Heather Graham in "The Hangover." I hope I am not in denial, but I hardly miss her, and instead of mourning I am glad to be out of that environment. I am fighting for my house (which I owned for five years before marrying her) and just want this to end. But I am looking forward to moving on, dating, and rebuilding my career. The finances are a bigger concern than any emotional fallout.

I am a religious person, but at least I don't have to deal with guilt, as my pastor's wife left him and he later remarried. He has been an encouragement.

[Jerome]

I like your attitude. I'd like to adopt it. 11 months of deception here, Sociopath/Borderline/Narcissistic solid female traits, assaulted, restrained, and imprisoned me threatening to call someone over. Sold her body at her massage parlor work she claimed as a "nail salon", rented her own apartment, all covertly. operated her own apartment massage parlor. Discovered all her shit after the fact. I used to wake up with horrific images of what she did at and outside of work. Now going after half I have with the push of her attorneys. She doesn't want to go after my money she told my sister, but she cannot say no to anyone 'helping' her, even her own attorneys. No morals, no empathy, no spine. I should have put the signs together earlier.

[Rachael]

Going through a divorce is never easy. Sometimes it involves pain, mourning, sleepless nights and a million of thoughts. Sometimes it is just a thing you want to get over soon. Regardless of what your thoughts are then, rebuilding your life after divorce is not easily done and people who have gone through a divorce can agree with me on this.

Why you ask? Because not only it takes time, but you need to rebuild all the things you had before you divorced. Here are what you need to do in order to rebuild life after divorce:

• Mourn - it does not matter if you filled the papers for the divorce, a divorce is a loss. I am sure you never intended to break up with the person you married. At first, if you are the one who wanted the divorce, you will feel anger, but after a while, the pain will kick in. Let yourself feel remorse or pain or whatever you are feeling in that moment. The mourning part is a big piece of the letting go experience.

• Adapt - you will feel a lot of things at the same time. Joy, relied, pain, anger are 4 things you will feel at once. Work your way through these feelings and do not push them away. Learn from them and let them come at you. If you keep rejecting them, all you are going to get is frustrated. And as much as you would like the frustration to go away, it won't. So let the feelings invade you, because you will get better.

• Learn to love alone time - now you will not have us time, but me. You will not have your husband or wife around yourself all the time. At first, it will definitely feel strange, but you will get used to it. Just do not let yourself fall into the pity hole. Embrace the alone time. Start doing things you like, things you enjoy or things you always wanted to do. Start going out with your friends or spend time with your family.

• Rebuild yourself - before you start dating again, you need to take care of your wounds. If you know your self-esteem has taken a hard hit, work on that. If you feel ashamed for getting a divorce, work on that. Before you actually start dating again, you need to lick your wounds and get better. No one can heal your "I-got-a-divorce" wound, but yourself. You need to work on you, because there is not a single person that can work as a rebound.

• Rediscover yourself - some people when they get a new relationship forget about their needs and focus on what the partner wants. Well, when you get a divorce, things are the opposite. You need to rediscover yourself, see what you like now, what you can and can't do. Improve yourself and get better by day!