Wife wants me to pay for cousin's school fees.

[mrace40]

Hi. I’m married to my wife for about a year now. She is from the Philippines. She’s a very nice woman, indeed. She takes care of me very well and she doesn’t spend much for herself. However, there is one thing that is bothering me. She asked me to pay for her cousin’s school fees. She says in their culture, they have to help their family members when they’re in a bad place. So now she’s asking me to pay for the fees. In America, we don’t do this. We pay for our own selves and not for extended families. What should I do? I’m willing to pay for the fees but I don’t want them to depend on us for their expenses. Please help.

[Sari]

Hello mrace40
Yes its a tradition to help but mostly the parents and siblings.
Explain to her that you married her and not her extended family, you can help with medical emergencies but in all aspect, especially that school fees is a responsibilities of the parent of the cousin.

If you start paying for that cousin then it will be a niece or nephew the next. Tell her if your parents will be in trouble i could help because its your parents, otherwise no.

Tell her that they must learn to be responsible for their actions (having kids/sending them to school).
Those traditions must be stop.

But explain it to her in a nice way. Hope all will be well.

[mrace40]

Sari Thanks for your advice. I hope I'll be able to explain this to her in a non-offensive manner.

[TheDarkOne]

Help but explain this is the one and only time. You're responsible for yourself and immediate family. If you keep giving in, it will be expected and you'll have no money left yourself.

[Evelyn]

You need to define the marriage with her, and let her know that you won't be responsible for her families expenses. The earlier you do that the better.

[sarahanry]

Hope all will be well