should I leave?

[Lonely&Married72]

My wife an I are working on our marriage. Well, it seems that I'm doing all the work and she is just waiting for things to magically change. She doesn't want to talk about our issues and blames me for all of them. She isn't affectionate or intimate with me for almost a year. When I try to talk about it with her, she gets defensive and starts to attack me and says that "All I care about is sex"
I'm fed up and thinking about leaving. Although we have made progress in some aspects of our marriage, I can't continue in a sexless, or a non-intimate relationship. Is this a reason to leave, considering we also have a 2 year old?

[Dennis]

Living in a sexless marriage can be a frustrating, depressing and aggravating to many men in this situation and this aspect of a marriage can ultimately lead to ending a relationship that does not need to be ended. Love and relationships can be complicated things and seeking sexless marriage advice can be just as confusing sometimes because of the variety of conflicting answers and reasons for this predicament.

To really find a solution to the problem of lack of sex in a marriage you first need to understand your own unique relationship issues that may be impacting on the situation, more often than not there are multiple relationship problems at work causing your wife to forgo sex and seemingly reject you. If you can narrow down the issues that might be causing such a problem then you have a better chance of fixing the problem.

While this may seem obvious to some we all know that women are often complicated and to men's instant fix problem solving mind it is hard to penetrate their emotive situation and get the real issue out of the excuses they use because they either cannot communicate it properly or sometimes because they also do not truly understand their problems. Some reasons for your wife losing interest in sex could be among the following:

• Hating their own body
• Hating your body (usually an excuse for something deeper)
• Claiming low sex drive (sometimes a medical condition sometimes an excuse)
• Boring routine sex becomes uninteresting
• Boring routine life disinterests them!
• Hidden grudges
• Fear of sex
• Fear of intimacy
• Stress
• Lack of communication

The last point can be applied to many of the other points as well and is a major cause of relationship problems that go far beyond physical intimacy. Some, all or even none of these could apply to your position but finding these things out without being too direct is an essential part of rekindling passion in the bedroom.

To this end when taking action on sexless marriage advice men must realize that women more than men are driven by their emotions and their emotive state has more impact on their sex drive than physical appearance and other factors that usually drive males.

[Vivian]

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