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I want to leave my marriage and I can’t seem to bring myself to do it

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  • I want to leave my marriage and I can’t seem to bring myself to do it

    I’ve been with my wife for 33 years been married for 25 just recently.......have 2 boys that have now moved out of the house......my wife 7 years ago had an affair I found out and stayed........based on the fact that I had been emotionally and verbally abusive..........I had already taken measures to stop this abusive but I figured too little to late..........I Stayed pouring everything I had into our relationship but still couldn’t get past what she had done and could not trust her..........2 years later I I found out she had been carrying on agian with someone else and was lying about on going contact with the 1st one............I wanted her out of my life.........but it was November my son was going through depression and problems at school and she convinced me to stay until a she could change my mind or our kids were or............this sort of cycle has continued for a number of years since this happened and I’m still here. I deal with this mess by ignoring it and not caring almost like entering into a survival mode.........which is just me lying to everyone.........she feels things are getting better and I feel like I’m wasting time and hate myself........I have never cheated on her..........I want to but can’t bring myself to bring someone that pain...........I have tried to break it off...........it results in hours of screaming and crying pouting and blaming........hours of text and call and so on.........the kids card over and over until I break and we do it all over again................I think there is something wrong with me............to the point I just spent a lot of money and time on trip............just to stop the arguing............I have gone to councilling that makes it worse say I just what all of us to be ok..........and what I get out of it all is my family will be if I’m not..........I’m 50 years old and feel like I’m running out of time to be happy. Any advice would help..........I can always justify staying wrong time money what if I can’t find anyone what if it ruins my kids what if it ruins her..............I love her I love my kids I really want us all to be ok.
    Last edited by Jay; 10-02-2018, 03:13 PM.

  • #2
    I can see you're not happy with your life anymore. If you can't trust her anymore and feel like you are wasting your time, you might want to consider finding happiness with someone else. I know it's easier said than done for you, but it all starts with a decision.

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    • #3
      Divorce may seem to be the only solution if you are one of so many men wondering what to now that "my wife has cheated on me." But, divorce is only the right solution for you if you allow it to be. That isn't the only option you have available to you. Here are just a few of the things you can choose to do for the sake of your marriage in light of your wife's cheating. You're probably going to be surprised by how simple these solutions really can be.
      1. Attend counseling sessions as a couple. This is a great way to air out all the dirty laundry in the marriage so that you can both figure out what is left of your marriage to salvage and if you are really and truly interested in making it work. For most marriage partners that go willingly and really try to work things out, counseling can really turn things around - even after your wife has cheated.
      2. Agree to a trial separation. The key here is to establish strict limits for how long the separation will last and to have a plan for what to do once the separation periods ends. It's best to have a trial reconciliation in mind as well so that you can both go back to living together after you've been apart for a specified period of time to see if you can both get on the same page about your efforts to save your marriage.
      3. You can take your marriage on a magic carpet ride back in time. Many people in your situation make the mistake of going for a second chance but pick up right where things left off. If you agree to go back in time and start over, you get to leave all the old baggage behind and start over from the beginning. This time you must agree to head off mild annoyances to the relationship before they become huge problems that lead to cheating, or worse, this time around.
      You might be reeling due to the fact that "my wife cheated on me" but that doesn't have to spell the end for your marriage. These are just three of the options that you have available to you instead of divorce. Surely you are willing to give one or more of these a try for the sake of saving the family the two of you have created together even if it is a family of two.

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