Seriously Need Help

[Candyce]

I’ve been married for 8 years, with a toddler son. Almost a year ago, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we lost all hope. We both planned for the worst, especially me. Since that point of time, I started to create an invisible barrier to deter myself from getting too close to him to prepare myself for the worst without him knowing it. Currently, his medical condition is confusing and nobody is able to predict anything for us. About half a year ago, when I was at the most depressed stage, I led a miserable life daily until a close male friend started to support and encourage me.

He was the reason I stood up again, and soon after we both started developing feelings for each other. He’s single, I’m not. We still chat daily as much as possible and share our feelings. He is not from the same country as me, but we’ve met up even recently and we’ve had good times together (no sex). I don't know what I/we should do. We really like each other, but I cannot let him be the reason for my divorce. I've not been close to my husband ever since the depressing news broke me. I cannot leave my husband because of responsibilities and the state he's in. And I cannot let my child suffer alone. I'm at a complete loss.

[Ella]

We really like each other, but I cannot let him be the reason for my divorce

You definitely cannot let him be the reason for your divorce. If this male friend of yours truly loves you, he shouldn't have a problem sticking around until the worst happens to your husband. However, if he's so much in haste and wants you to leave your husband for him, then he isn't the right person for you.

[Sammy]

Your male friend is a distraction to you, so I'll advice you cut him off from your life. You husband is still alive and you have a male friend, you're simply cheating even though you haven't had sex with him.

Your husband needs your care and attention now, and this male friend is depriving you from giving him that. So, get rid of your male friend and channel your love and affection to your husband.

[Candyce]

Yes, he does not press me for anything nor does he expect to be more than just friends. Since he has helped me out of my shadows, he has consistently provided me with good advises towards my husband and also, autistic son. I’m tired in and out being the sole caregiver for both of them. I am aware that I'm still cheating although there's nothing sexual between my friend and I. When I met my friend recently, he even gave me a friendly hug and told me never to give up on my situation or my marriage. He said he will always be there for me. That really touched me and made me cry. He's my only strong pillar of support so I do not think I can cut off all ties with him. He's the only one there for me when I feel like I cannot carry on my life anymore. He lent me his listening ears when no one else could understand. He provided me with comfort when no one else could. During the period when I was in severe depression, my husband noticed it and he actually told me that we should consider a divorce because he does not want to see me being broken everyday. What he said shocked me. And I teared because I am really broken inside. However, we managed to brush it aside.

I have spoken to a regular counselor but I guess it didn’t help much because in the end, only I can help myself. I do not think I can see a marriage counselor without letting my husband know and I also do not want to let him know about it or it might affect his health even more. I think I would have given up on everything by now should my friend not have come along. I'm really just so tired of everything. I'm unable to revert my feelings back to before for my husband. I do not know why, but I just can't because I know I will break again.