Year in marriage

[Freonie33]

Hello!
I`ve been married for year now and something is really wrong.
After we got married, something changed in our relationship and especially in our sex life.
I mean when i see good looking guy or have dreams about them, i know i want sex and it`s not like i don`t want it at all.
But when my husband touches me or wants sex, i`m pushing him away. I can`t imagine me having sex with him anymore.
I want it, i dream about it and imagine all the kissing and touching but when it comes to my husband - it`s like i`m the coldest woman on earth.
And obviously he`s getting stressed about it too, since it`s already been three month without sex or kissing.
Sure i`ve tried: show no emotion, just bite in your tongue and do it, but it`s humiliating and since i don`t get excited - it`s painful.
So i`m worried: what to do? how to fix it? will i ever want my husband again?
What`s wrong with me?
I mean, i`m not getting any younger and spending my life in this reality, is really challenging.
Because i want love, kisses, touches, and i`m with someone i can`t imagine doing it with.
If a good looking guy from work would sweep me off the feat, i think i might even cheat, but that`s not what i want.
In the beginning we were like bunnies, but now.. I don`t know, so i`m asking for advice.

[Sofia]

If you don't fancy your husband anymore you need to try and determine what happened to change things. Typically it's not one event or circumstance that you can pinpoint. For many couples the love disappears over time as their roles in the relationship change. If you two started spending less time together as a couple after the arrival of your children, that can certainly play a part in the change in the dynamic of the relationship. Having to tend to work matters and even becoming engrossed in home repairs, all have a bearing on the marriage. Sometimes when a woman feels she's fallen out of love with her husband it's a result of them becoming emotionally disconnected. It's very easy for this to happen to even the happiest of couples.

Starting right now you need to make a real effort to get to know your husband again. You need to throw aside any and all negative thoughts you have about him. It's common for a person to start focusing on the things about their partner they find unappealing. If you do this for any length of time it will impact how you view them and what you feel for them. View your husband from more of a positive place. Focus on those things about him that you absolutely adore. If you do this and stop thinking about the negatives, it will help you to feel closer to him again.

In life we often get back what we give to others. If you've been neglecting your husband by not talking with him or listening to him, he may mimic your behavior and treat you the same way. That can lead to resentment on both sides of the equation. If you feel that your feelings have changed partly because he's been less affectionate or attentive, change how you treat him. It will likely result in him being more like the man you first fell in love with. That one change alone can dramatically impact how you feel about him.

[Malvin]

If you want to fancy your husband again it begins with focusing on his positive attributes and overlooking the negatives. It's easy to fall into the trap of only looking at the aspect of your husband's personality and behaviour that annoy or irritate you. Make a strong effort to start each day by embracing the things about your husband that you love and admire. Also, thank him for what he brings to your life that enhances it. You'll find that when you put out something positive, you'll get positive things back from him.

One important thing to keep in mind if you want to fancy your husband again is to start treating him more like a romantic partner and less like someone you are raising children with. We all know that the dynamic of a marriage changes once children enter the relationship. Both partners' lives change dramatically and it can mean less time with one another. Quite often the romance is sacrificed so each partner can focus their time, energy and emotions on their children. If you want to fall back in love with the man you married make time to interact with him alone on a romantic partner level again. You need to give yourself an opportunity to rediscover what you felt for him early in your relationship.

[lindatan]

You may try reminiscing those first days when you met your husband. What made you fall in love with him? And only you yourself for sure knows the reason why you started fallen out of love. There is something that triggered the most out of it. You may also talk to your husband about this matter. So he may help in saving a beautiful marriage.

Travel with your husband, like along the beach. Discuss things, deeper things. And maybe at that point in time. You will start to fancy your husband again.
Falling out of love happens to many. Compare him to those not so good husbands and realize how lucky you are. I know it's not easy, but it is worth a try.

[Freonie33]

Thank You for Your reply!


The thing is - i don`t want another husband.
I like the way he treats me - he`s honest, he tries to surprise me, he defends me, he treats me well.
And that`s why i feel horrible because there is nothing wrong with him.
He treats me well.
But when it comes to a passion - i can`t imagine it.
It feels wrong.
I would feel awful if i would choose someone else just to sleep with him but he would turn out to be a jerk.
And i know my husband would feel betrayed because he treats me well but i would do such thing.
We hold our hands, we hug, we make dinner together, we sleep in same bed..

But there is no passion.
I feel like dirt because i want to grow old with my husband...
But at the same time i`d rather sleep with someone else and spend weekends alone.
I just don`t know what do anymore...