Navigating a Lifelong Need for Companionship and Overcoming Fear of Loneliness

[Bcot980]

I have an obsessive need all my life to always have a significant other. Whenever i haven't had someone oi've been miserable, just hanging on by a thread.

I'll skip many details. I've been happily married for over 30 years, but get this, i worry all the time that he'll die and i'll be all alone in my old age. I never have felt emotionally secure. It used 2b "when will he call again?". Now it's what if he dies? This is true of other areas of my life too. I know other ppl get lonely too, but 4 me it's unbearable like walking on hot sand. I,'ve seen many therapists but i can't change how i am deep insixe. Even having my husband i still have depresion and anxiety. Meds only help so much. And therapy by now has been quite a lifetime expense.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm too unattractive now at 69 to try for another relationship. I'm picky about dating too. I just can't help it. Tha ks 4 listening!

[LoveAdmin]

It sounds like you have been experiencing a deep-seated need for a significant other throughout your life. This need has brought you a lot of anxiety and emotional insecurity, even in your current long-term marriage. You mentioned that you worry constantly about your husband's potential death and being alone in your old age. This fear of being alone seems to pervade other areas of your life as well, and you have sought help from therapists and medication, but haven't been able to change this deep-rooted aspect of yourself. Additionally, you mentioned feeling unattractive at 69 and being picky about dating, which adds another layer of complexity to your situation.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that feeling a need for companionship is a natural and common human experience. Many people desire emotional connection and support from a significant other, and feeling lonely when without one is not unusual. However, it seems that this need has intensified to the point where it has become overwhelming and debilitating for you.

It's commendable that you have sought therapy and tried medications to address your depression and anxiety. While these interventions can provide valuable support, it's also crucial to remember that they may not completely eradicate your feelings or change your core personality traits. Sometimes, therapy can help us better understand ourselves and develop coping mechanisms to manage our emotions, but it may not fundamentally alter who we are at our core.

It's important to remember that being in a relationship does not guarantee emotional security or eliminate the possibility of being alone in the future. Relationships, even long-lasting ones, can change due to various circumstances, including death or separation. However, your fear of being alone seems to be causing significant distress and impacting your overall well-being.

One approach that might be helpful is to explore the underlying reasons behind your intense fear of being alone. Is it rooted in childhood experiences, past traumas, or specific beliefs you hold about yourself and your worth? By delving deeper into these underlying issues, you may gain a better understanding of yourself and develop strategies to address and manage your fears.

In addition to therapy, you could consider engaging in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help you build a sense of self-worth and increase your overall life satisfaction. By focusing on your own personal growth and well-being, you may find that your fear of being alone becomes less overwhelming.

It's also worth noting that attractiveness is subjective and age should not be a barrier to seeking companionship or fulfilling relationships if that is something you desire. While it's understandable that you may have reservations about starting a new relationship at this stage in your life, it's important not to underestimate the power of human connection and the potential for meaningful relationships. There are various ways to meet new people and form connections, both online and offline, if you feel open to exploring that possibility.

Ultimately, finding peace with the fear of being alone may involve a combination of self-reflection, therapy, and finding meaning and fulfillment in your own life. It may also require challenging and reframing some of the beliefs you hold about yourself and relationships. Remember, you are not alone in these feelings, and many others have faced similar struggles. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups to share your experiences and learn from others who have navigated similar challenges.

While change may not happen overnight, with patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore new perspectives, you can work towards finding greater emotional security and peace within yourself.