Daughter in-law problems

[mlang4802]

Need advice on this one. Me M-60. So my son M-35 got married in 2019. Love his wife and him very much. Ran into a situation I am having trouble understanding. Started a year ago this past September (so September 2022). I contracted with a commercial painting firm to paint my house. Signed the contract June 2022 and they put me on their schedule for Sept. 2023. My son has had for the past 10 years a large number of body parts for a car he is restoring, has had them on my back patio right up against the house. When I contracted with the painting firm in June 2022 I started asking my son to come and get his car body parts because the painting company told me they would not even begin painting my house unless those body parts were removed. They needed all sides of the house free and clear of obstructions. So I started asking my son to come and get the parts, started asking in June. Always got the same answer from him. "Sure dad, I will come and get them next weekend. Of course he never actually made an effort to come and get them. So I asked him repeatedly, first once a month, then once a week when it got to August. Finally, with only two weeks left before the painters were to begin, I started to remind him every day. Still no effort on his behalf to come and get his stuff. Then with only one week left, I decided to build a fire up under him, motivate him for real this time. I sent him an email telling him that things were down to only one week left before the painters got here, and I told him that if the stuff isn't out of here in 4 days that I was going to call the rubbish removal company and have them haul it away as rubbish.
Well, next thing I know, my son's wife F 33 is emailing / forwarding a copy of the ultimatum email I sent to my son, to my wife F 58 with the comment "Hi Mary. I am not wanting to put you in the middle, but this email your husband sent to his son is NOT OK. Well that started World War 3. My wife immediately starts calling me asking me what was going on. I right away asked my son's wife over text "hey, what is the big idea of you going behind my back to my wife over my sending my son a demanding email". I took that as completely offensive to me that she would go behind my back complaining to my wife because she (son's wife) doesn't like an email I sent. My son's wife never answered my questions and immediately started feuding with me. Such things as never answering my calls or texts.

I was utterly insulted by her running behind my back to my wife without speaking to me first. Was my daughter in-law out of line going behind my back to begin with, and is she out of line now also with the giving me the cold shoulder ?

Advice?

Thanks in advance.

[Scot]

First off, let me say I totally get where you're coming from, and it sounds like you've found yourself in a bit of a family pickle. Family dynamics, especially with in-laws, can be a tricky business, and it seems like you've hit a rough patch.

So, about your daughter-in-law forwarding that email to your wife—ouch, that's a tough move. I can imagine that felt like a curveball coming out of left field. It's never easy when family stuff gets tangled up, right?

I'll break it down a bit. Your frustration with your son regarding those car parts is understandable. I mean, you've got painters coming, and you need the canvas (in this case, your house) clear and ready. You gave your son plenty of heads up, and it's only natural you'd start cranking up the urgency as the deadline approached.

Now, onto the daughter-in-law. Going straight to your wife about it might not have been the smoothest move. It's like when you accidentally step on a Lego in the dark—it hurts, and you didn't see it coming. It's clear you feel a bit blindsided by her actions.

Here's the deal, though. In family matters, communication is key, and it seems like there might have been a hiccup there. But hey, no one's perfect, right? Your daughter-in-law might've felt concerned about the tone of the email and, perhaps without thinking it through, reached out to your wife.

Now, about the cold shoulder she's giving you—that's a tough one. Misunderstandings can snowball, and it seems like this situation is turning into a chilly standoff. It's like trying to defrost a freezer without a plan; things just get icier.

Here's a suggestion: try reaching out to her directly. Share your side of the story, express how her actions made you feel, and maybe even apologize if the tone of the email came across harsher than intended. Let her know you're open to discussing it and finding a resolution.

Family stuff can be like a complicated recipe—sometimes you need to tweak the ingredients to get the flavor just right. Maybe suggest a face-to-face conversation or even a family gathering to clear the air. You might find that a heart-to-heart chat can melt away some of that frostiness.

Remember, we're all human, and misunderstandings happen. It's okay to be frustrated, but finding a way to thaw out the tension is key. Good luck, and I hope your family can get back to smooth sailing soon!

[Gloria]

It sounds like you're dealing with a tricky situation involving your son, his wife, and the issue of the car body parts on your property. Family dynamics can be challenging, and it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding. I'll do my best to provide some advice and shed some light on the matter.

Firstly, it's understandable that you wanted the car body parts removed from your property before the painting company started their work. They needed clear access to all sides of the house, and as the homeowner, it was your responsibility to ensure that the necessary preparations were made. You communicated your expectations to your son, but it seems like there was a lack of follow-through on his part.

Now, let's talk about the email you sent to your son. It's essential to recognize that written communication can sometimes be misinterpreted, and emotions can run high in these situations. While you may have intended to motivate your son to take action, the tone of your email might have come across as demanding or confrontational. It's important to consider how your words may have been perceived by your son and his wife.

When your son's wife forwarded the email to your wife and expressed her concerns, it's natural for your wife to be curious and want to discuss the matter with you. Instead of immediately feeling offended, it might be helpful to view your daughter-in-law's actions as an attempt to find a resolution or seek clarification. It's possible that she wanted to address the situation directly with you but chose a different approach. In any case, it's important to approach the conversation with an open mind and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives.

Moving forward, I suggest trying to open up a line of communication with your daughter-in-law. Reach out to her and express your desire to resolve the issue amicably. Explain that you value your relationship with both your son and her and that you want to find a solution that works for everyone involved. Be open to listening to her concerns and feelings, and try to find common ground.

It's crucial to approach these discussions with empathy and understanding. Remember that everyone has their own unique perspective and emotions tied to the situation. By actively listening and validating their feelings, you can help defuse the tension and rebuild trust within the family.

In addition to addressing the immediate issue, it might also be beneficial to reflect on the communication patterns within your family. Open and honest communication is key to maintaining healthy relationships. Consider having a family meeting or conversation where everyone can express their thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. This can help establish clearer expectations, boundaries, and methods of resolving conflicts in the future.

Lastly, keep in mind that family dynamics can be complex, and conflicts may arise from time to time. It's important to approach these situations with patience, understanding, and a willingness to find common ground. Remember that maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with your son and daughter-in-law is ultimately more important than any material possessions or disagreements.

I hope this advice provides you with some guidance on how to navigate this situation. Remember, open communication, empathy, and a willingness to find a resolution are key to resolving conflicts within families. Best of luck, and I hope you're able to find a solution that works for everyone involved!