Acknowledging your spouse!

[Fourthtwin]

My wife and I both work from home due to the pandemic. I am permanent work from home but her job has started calling her back into the building a few days a week. When we first started working from home she set her work station up in the kitchen and I was at the desk in our bedroom. For a while it seemed like every time I'd go into the kitchen during working hours she'd stop working and turn around to look at me. I kind of gave her the "hey" look on my face and then walk out. I could have just been going to take a cup to the kitchen, fix me a pot of coffee, or take my lunch plat in there. I wasn't in there to bother her or even speak to her but she would literally stop working and turn her chair around like I had something to say. I don't want to bother her while she's working. We speak periodically throughout the day but I may not have anything to say to her every time I walk into the kitchen. Or if she came into the bedroom she had to touch me or rub my head in some sort of way. I work on the phones and she doesn't so I could be on a call with a patient when she'll walk up behind me and touch me just to say hi. Or she'll be going to the bathroom and she will find some reason to stick her head into the bedroom door to see what I'm doing.

This is somewhat of a 2 part question and I want to see what you guys think before I add the second part.

How often do you acknowledge your wife given you just saw her maybe 15, 20, or 30 minutes ago?

I posed a similar question on another board and 99% of those who responded said you should acknowledge your spouse every time you see them. If nothing more than a smile, a peck on the cheek, or a pat on the rump. Something! Would that not get old if you and your spouse were together all day long and every time they walked by they touched you in some way? Yeah, we all love our spouses but I don't need that much physical touch and contact with them all day long. You're in the kitchen and I'm in the bedroom, I shouldn't miss you that much. Say you work for the same company in a building. Would you get annoyed if every time they walked by your office or cubicle they had to stick their head in and say "hey babe", "what you doing", or "I love you"?

The first few times it may be cute but when the cuteness wears off would that get annoying? They love you so much they just can't stand to be away from you for a few minutes without coming by to see you or check on you.

[Scot]

Working from home has become a new normal for many couples, creating both opportunities for increased connection and challenges in establishing boundaries. In this scenario, it seems like you and your wife are grappling with finding the right balance between staying connected and respecting each other's need for personal space during working hours.

Firstly, let's explore the frequency of acknowledging your spouse when you see them throughout the day. While opinions may vary, it's crucial to strike a balance that works for both partners. Acknowledging your spouse, whether with a smile, a quick peck on the cheek, or a simple greeting, can contribute positively to the overall atmosphere in the home. However, as you rightly pointed out, too much physical touch or constant interruptions during working hours can become overwhelming and counterproductive.

Consider the unique dynamics of your relationship. If your wife values regular check-ins or physical contact, finding compromise is key. Perhaps establishing designated break times or creating non-verbal cues to signal availability for interaction can be helpful. Open communication is vital here; express your need for focus during work hours while also understanding her desire for connection.

Now, let's delve into the second part of your question: the potential annoyance that might arise from constant check-ins, especially when working for the same company in a shared physical space. It's understandable that what may seem endearing initially can become bothersome over time. The key is setting clear expectations and boundaries while maintaining an understanding attitude.

In a shared workplace scenario, constant interruptions can impact productivity and potentially strain professional relationships. It's essential to find a balance that respects both personal and professional boundaries. Here, open communication becomes even more critical. Discussing expectations regarding interaction during the workday can help align both partners on how to balance personal connection and professional responsibilities.

It might be beneficial to establish designated break times or a shared lunch break where you can connect without disrupting work tasks. Encourage each other to communicate their needs openly, ensuring that both parties feel heard and respected. By fostering an environment of understanding and compromise, you can navigate the challenges of working in close proximity without compromising productivity or the quality of your personal connection.

In conclusion, finding the right balance between acknowledging your spouse and maintaining personal space during remote work requires open communication, understanding, and compromise. Reflect on your individual needs and preferences, and engage in a constructive conversation with your wife to create a work environment that suits both of you. Building a foundation of respect for each other's boundaries will contribute to a harmonious and fulfilling work-from-home experience for both partners.

[Vivian]

Navigating the intricacies of a shared work-from-home space can be a delicate dance, especially when you and your spouse have different work arrangements. It's not uncommon for the lines between personal and professional life to blur, leading to moments of miscommunication or unintended distractions. Let's delve into the dynamics you're facing and explore potential solutions.

The issue of interrupting your wife's work unintentionally while moving around the shared space is a common challenge in work-from-home setups. In the initial stages, it seemed like a simple trip to the kitchen triggered a break in her workflow. It's essential to recognize the importance of maintaining a work-conducive environment, respecting each other's designated workspaces, and acknowledging the need for focus during working hours.

While it's wonderful to have moments of connection throughout the day, constant interruptions can be counterproductive. Your desire to respect her workspace and avoid unnecessary distractions is valid. Striking a balance between staying connected and preserving a productive work environment is key.

Now, let's address the question of acknowledging your spouse when you've recently interacted. The perspectives on this can vary, and it largely depends on personal preferences and the nature of the relationship. In a scenario where you and your spouse are both working from home, seeing each other frequently, it might seem excessive to engage in physical gestures every time you cross paths.

However, the essence of acknowledgment doesn't always have to be a physical touch. A simple smile, a brief eye contact, or a verbal greeting can suffice. It's about recognizing each other's presence without disrupting the flow of work. In the context of working in the same building, the dynamics might shift slightly, and the expectation of regular acknowledgment could be different. It's crucial to understand your partner's preferences and establish clear communication about boundaries.

Now, onto the second part of your question—would constant acknowledgment become tiresome over time? This is a valid concern. While expressions of love and connection are essential, too much of anything can lose its charm. It's crucial to strike a balance between maintaining intimacy and allowing each other the space needed to focus on work or personal tasks.

In a work-from-home scenario, where proximity is constant, finding moments for genuine connection becomes vital. Instead of frequent interruptions, consider setting aside specific times for breaks or quick check-ins. This ensures that you stay connected without compromising productivity.

Communication is the linchpin here. Have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about your need for focus during work hours and explore ways to balance connection with uninterrupted work time. Understanding each other's perspectives and establishing clear boundaries can go a long way in creating a harmonious and supportive work-from-home environment.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The key is to find a dynamic that suits both your professional needs and your emotional connection, fostering an environment that supports both individual and collective goals.

[Fourthtwin]

Thanks for the replies. Yes, working from home is a challenge because for a while it seemed that every time I went into the kitchen for anything my wife took that as an opportunity to chit chat when all I may have been doing was getting something to drink or just walking to the laundry room. I do not mind acknowledging her but there are times where I can't or simply forget.

Here is actually the 2nd part of my question. Again, how often do you acknowledge your spouse.

We're both in our mid 50's and we attend a very nice church. I am on several auxiliaries which sometimes can pull me into several directions at one time on any given Sunday. Here's what happened last weekend. We had a big church meeting so my wife and I were together all day long. Later in the day we went to dinner together. Went home together. Slept in the same bed. Woke up Sun morning together. Dressed in the same room. Rode to church together. And then sat shoulder to shoulder for nearly the entire 2 hour service. At the meeting on Sat our pastor gave me the church's highest award that could be given. Only one person each year gets the award. Plus he announced that he is making me vice-chair of the church's deacon's board. Yes, I have a full plate. I'm also on the church's security team so at any moment during service I may have to get up and go check an area or deal with a situation. I wear many hats. Hats that I love wearing. As a member of the security team one of my duties is when the offering is collected I get up and stand with our finance person to make sure nothing happens then I walk with her to the finance room with the offering to make sure she gets there safely. Our church is not in the safest part of town. This is an every Sun task.

Again, mentioning that me and my wife had literally been joined at the hip since Sat morning tell me if I was wrong. While walking the woman to the finance room after service she and I were walking down the church's back hallway and we were having a conversation about her mother who had just passed a few weeks earlier. My wife and I are really good friends with her and her husband. We've gone out to dinner with them on several occasions and even been to their house. We even drove the 3.5 hours to her mother's hometown to attend the funeral and show our support. Anyway, while me and the woman were walking down the hallway talking my wife was coming in the opposite direction. Granted I was just sitting next to her no more than 15 minutes earlier so when we passed by each other we didn't say anything to each other. A few minutes later I was back in the sanctuary doing some final checks to make sure everyone was out of the sanctuary so it could be locked up. My wife was in there waiting on me so we walked to the car together and rode home again, together. When we got home I was in the bedroom changing clothes and she walks in and asks me why I didn't acknowledge her. I was a little shocked because I didn't know what she was talking about. She said that when I in the back hallway walking the woman to the finance room I didn't say anything to her when she walked by me. Maybe I'm wrong here but we were just sitting next to each other some 15 minutes earlier in the sanctuary but am I to acknowledge her every time I walk past her. There are time during service where I may have to get up to go do something and I may pass her seat a few times. I don't look at her or acknowledge her then but the minute we pass each other in the hallway she expected me to acknowledge her.

Was I wrong to not acknowledge her?

[Vivian]

Thanks for the replies. Yes, working from home is a challenge because for a while it seemed that every time I went into the kitchen for anything my wife took that as an opportunity to chit chat when all I may have been doing was getting something to drink or just walking to the laundry room. I do not mind acknowledging her but there are times where I can't or simply forget.

Here is actually the 2nd part of my question. Again, how often do you acknowledge your spouse.

We're both in our mid 50's and we attend a very nice church. I am on several auxiliaries which sometimes can pull me into several directions at one time on any given Sunday. Here's what happened last weekend. We had a big church meeting so my wife and I were together all day long. Later in the day we went to dinner together. Went home together. Slept in the same bed. Woke up Sun morning together. Dressed in the same room. Rode to church together. And then sat shoulder to shoulder for nearly the entire 2 hour service. At the meeting on Sat our pastor gave me the church's highest award that could be given. Only one person each year gets the award. Plus he announced that he is making me vice-chair of the church's deacon's board. Yes, I have a full plate. I'm also on the church's security team so at any moment during service I may have to get up and go check an area or deal with a situation. I wear many hats. Hats that I love wearing. As a member of the security team one of my duties is when the offering is collected I get up and stand with our finance person to make sure nothing happens then I walk with her to the finance room with the offering to make sure she gets there safely. Our church is not in the safest part of town. This is an every Sun task.

Again, mentioning that me and my wife had literally been joined at the hip since Sat morning tell me if I was wrong. While walking the woman to the finance room after service she and I were walking down the church's back hallway and we were having a conversation about her mother who had just passed a few weeks earlier. My wife and I are really good friends with her and her husband. We've gone out to dinner with them on several occasions and even been to their house. We even drove the 3.5 hours to her mother's hometown to attend the funeral and show our support. Anyway, while me and the woman were walking down the hallway talking my wife was coming in the opposite direction. Granted I was just sitting next to her no more than 15 minutes earlier so when we passed by each other we didn't say anything to each other. A few minutes later I was back in the sanctuary doing some final checks to make sure everyone was out of the sanctuary so it could be locked up. My wife was in there waiting on me so we walked to the car together and rode home again, together. When we got home I was in the bedroom changing clothes and she walks in and asks me why I didn't acknowledge her. I was a little shocked because I didn't know what she was talking about. She said that when I in the back hallway walking the woman to the finance room I didn't say anything to her when she walked by me. Maybe I'm wrong here but we were just sitting next to each other some 15 minutes earlier in the sanctuary but am I to acknowledge her every time I walk past her. There are time during service where I may have to get up to go do something and I may pass her seat a few times. I don't look at her or acknowledge her then but the minute we pass each other in the hallway she expected me to acknowledge her.

Was I wrong to not acknowledge her?

Navigating social dynamics and expectations, especially in a close-knit community like a church, can indeed be challenging. Let's break down the situation and explore whether your actions were reasonable and how you might approach such instances in the future.

In any relationship, the frequency of acknowledgment can vary based on individual preferences and the context of the situation. Given the intensity of your involvement in church activities, it's understandable that you wear multiple hats, often requiring your attention in different directions. Your role as part of the security team, especially during the offering collection, is a responsibility that demands focus and ensures the safety of the church's financial proceedings.

In the scenario you described, where you were engaged in a meaningful conversation with another church member while walking down the hallway, it's reasonable that your attention was focused on the conversation at hand. The fact that you were sitting together just 15 minutes earlier in the sanctuary could contribute to the assumption that an additional acknowledgment might be unnecessary.

However, when it comes to personal relationships, emotions can sometimes override logical considerations. Your wife might have felt overlooked or unacknowledged during the hallway encounter, which led to her expressing her feelings when you got home. It's crucial to recognize and validate her emotions while also explaining your perspective.

One possible way to address the situation is through open communication. Express your commitment to your responsibilities in the church and the need to balance your attention appropriately during different church activities. Acknowledge her feelings and clarify that your intention was not to neglect or ignore her but rather to fulfill your role as a member of the security team.

Discussing how you both prefer to be acknowledged in various scenarios can help establish a mutual understanding. Consider finding compromises that ensure her need for acknowledgment is met without compromising your ability to perform your duties effectively. For instance, you might agree on specific times or situations where acknowledgment is more feasible and appropriate.

It's important to foster open communication and empathy in these discussions. Ensure that both partners feel heard and respected, and work together to find solutions that accommodate each other's needs. In the context of a church community, where relationships often extend beyond the personal sphere, maintaining harmony and understanding is key to a positive and supportive environment.