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This may not seem like a delicate situation to some but to me it's really bothering me. I come from a large family. 7 siblings and I am the youngest. We are close and generally hang out at the family home every Sun with the parents, still married some 65 years later. I'm 55 and my wife is 54. My wife is the 2nd of 4 girls and they are not close at all. Parents still married. 1 sister deceased, 1 mentally challenged and the baby has a lot of issues right now. Recently homeless and has taken her youngest son out of school and is homeschooling him in her car. Long story, I know. Anyway, with my family the way it is we've never really argued about much because mom and dad don't allow it. Mom has always been a Honda person. Some 22+ years ago she finally bought herself a brand new Honda Accord right off the showroom floor. She babied that car to no end. She swept it out anytime she parked it and was the typical old lady, only drove it to the doctor's office, church, and the grocery store. A few years ago she had an accident and it was totaled. When it was totaled she only had like 85k original miles on it for a car that was 22+ years old so yes, she babied that car. My mom tends to lean on me to help her with things. She'll call me to come over to the house to change a light bulb, put batteries in dad's remote or to just take her somewhere. That seems to bother my wife because my two oldest brothers still live at home but they are clueless when it comes to things like that. Neither of them drive. Well, one can drive but he lost his license a number of years ago so he doesn't.
Anyway, when mom wrecked her car she had me handle the insurance settlement and replacement. Given the milage on the car and it's condition she got a great settlement from her insurance company. So I told mom at her age she didn't need to worry about trying to pay for another brand new Honda so I did the research and found her a really nice newer model Accord with all the bells and whistles on it that we took the settlement and paid for outright. I did all the research and leg work on the deal. I even showed my wife a few cars that I was looking at and the way my wife is if it's not for her then she really could care less. She took a glance and the cars and basically nodded, "ok, that's nice." I finally settled on a car and we went to the car lot to check it out. When the salesman let us take it for a test drive I was in the driver's seat, he was in the passenger seat and my wife was in the back seat. It drove really nice. Both me and the salesman asked my wife if she wanted to take it around the block a few times and she said no. She kept her face down in her phone. Ok, the next day I took my mom to see the car and she loved it. The car was purchased a few days later.
Again mom is treating this Accord just like her old one. Sweeping it out every time she gets out and rarely drives it. Anytime something needs fixing or tweaking she calls me and I gladly go take care of it. She'll even call me to come take her car to get gas. My wife doesn't understand why she keeps calling me when the two brothers are still there with her and dad. I told her my mom really trusts me to handle certain things. Well, a few months later I was talking to mom and I asked her what her plans were for the car once she is either no longer able to drive or she passes away. She told me since I helped her out so much with it I could have it. She also mentioned this to one of my other sisters so they know the deal when that time comes. And trust me, I'm in no rush to get the car. As long as mom has it she's able to drive and she is still above ground. That's the exact same thing my dad did with his retirement truck a few years back. He gave it to one of my sisters. Not one peep from any other family member because that's what dad wanted. Well, when I got home that night I told my wife I was getting the Honda when mom was done with it and you would have thought I told her Christmas was coming early. She got all excited about how she couldn't wait to drive it. I told her, in so many words, to pump her breaks. Mom wasn't giving "us" the car, she was giving "me" the car. We are already a multi-car family. I have an SUV and my wife has her car so it's not like we need an additional car. I told her I plan to baby the car just like mom did. It'll stay parked and I'll drive it occasionally just to keep it running. I much rather prefer to drive my SUV. I'll do it like my sister does dad's truck. She already had her own car so she alternates driving her car a week then driving the truck a week. My wife started saying stuff like "I can't wait to get a key to it." Again I reminded her that the car would be mine and not ours. I had to remind her that when I was on the hunt for it she barely gave 2 cents to it when I was showing her pics of the various cars I was researching and even when we looked at this one she was offered to test drive it and she declined. This is/was my mom's car and she took great care of it and I planned to do the same. Now I'm not saying that my wife will NEVER be able to drive it but this will not be the car that she walks outside and decides "I don't think I want to drive mine, I'm taking the Honda."
Since then she and I have gotten into some heated discussions on the car and who will be driving it. Am I wrong here to want to honor my mom's memory by being very selective on when that car gets driven? I know what you guys may be thinking, it's not a classic Mustang or vintage Porche, it's a used Honda Accord but this was mom's car and I know how she was when it came to her car and I plan to treat it just like she did. And yes, I know some of you are thinking that husband and wife should share everything but my wife and I don't just go take each other's cars because we want to drive something different. My wife has driven my SUV probably less than 10 times in the past year or more. I don't sleep on her side of the bed, sit in her spot on the sofa, she doesn't use my toothbrush or grabs a pair of my socks because they are close by. Couples share but even there are limits to what you share. Whose car is it? Is it my car or is it going to be our car and can I put stipulations on when it gets driven? Like I said if we're out and she wants to drive it a little, I have no problem. But, she won't be taking it to work or to run errands simply because she just doesn't want to drive her own car that she picked out and paid for. Am I wrong here?
Anyway, when mom wrecked her car she had me handle the insurance settlement and replacement. Given the milage on the car and it's condition she got a great settlement from her insurance company. So I told mom at her age she didn't need to worry about trying to pay for another brand new Honda so I did the research and found her a really nice newer model Accord with all the bells and whistles on it that we took the settlement and paid for outright. I did all the research and leg work on the deal. I even showed my wife a few cars that I was looking at and the way my wife is if it's not for her then she really could care less. She took a glance and the cars and basically nodded, "ok, that's nice." I finally settled on a car and we went to the car lot to check it out. When the salesman let us take it for a test drive I was in the driver's seat, he was in the passenger seat and my wife was in the back seat. It drove really nice. Both me and the salesman asked my wife if she wanted to take it around the block a few times and she said no. She kept her face down in her phone. Ok, the next day I took my mom to see the car and she loved it. The car was purchased a few days later.
Again mom is treating this Accord just like her old one. Sweeping it out every time she gets out and rarely drives it. Anytime something needs fixing or tweaking she calls me and I gladly go take care of it. She'll even call me to come take her car to get gas. My wife doesn't understand why she keeps calling me when the two brothers are still there with her and dad. I told her my mom really trusts me to handle certain things. Well, a few months later I was talking to mom and I asked her what her plans were for the car once she is either no longer able to drive or she passes away. She told me since I helped her out so much with it I could have it. She also mentioned this to one of my other sisters so they know the deal when that time comes. And trust me, I'm in no rush to get the car. As long as mom has it she's able to drive and she is still above ground. That's the exact same thing my dad did with his retirement truck a few years back. He gave it to one of my sisters. Not one peep from any other family member because that's what dad wanted. Well, when I got home that night I told my wife I was getting the Honda when mom was done with it and you would have thought I told her Christmas was coming early. She got all excited about how she couldn't wait to drive it. I told her, in so many words, to pump her breaks. Mom wasn't giving "us" the car, she was giving "me" the car. We are already a multi-car family. I have an SUV and my wife has her car so it's not like we need an additional car. I told her I plan to baby the car just like mom did. It'll stay parked and I'll drive it occasionally just to keep it running. I much rather prefer to drive my SUV. I'll do it like my sister does dad's truck. She already had her own car so she alternates driving her car a week then driving the truck a week. My wife started saying stuff like "I can't wait to get a key to it." Again I reminded her that the car would be mine and not ours. I had to remind her that when I was on the hunt for it she barely gave 2 cents to it when I was showing her pics of the various cars I was researching and even when we looked at this one she was offered to test drive it and she declined. This is/was my mom's car and she took great care of it and I planned to do the same. Now I'm not saying that my wife will NEVER be able to drive it but this will not be the car that she walks outside and decides "I don't think I want to drive mine, I'm taking the Honda."
Since then she and I have gotten into some heated discussions on the car and who will be driving it. Am I wrong here to want to honor my mom's memory by being very selective on when that car gets driven? I know what you guys may be thinking, it's not a classic Mustang or vintage Porche, it's a used Honda Accord but this was mom's car and I know how she was when it came to her car and I plan to treat it just like she did. And yes, I know some of you are thinking that husband and wife should share everything but my wife and I don't just go take each other's cars because we want to drive something different. My wife has driven my SUV probably less than 10 times in the past year or more. I don't sleep on her side of the bed, sit in her spot on the sofa, she doesn't use my toothbrush or grabs a pair of my socks because they are close by. Couples share but even there are limits to what you share. Whose car is it? Is it my car or is it going to be our car and can I put stipulations on when it gets driven? Like I said if we're out and she wants to drive it a little, I have no problem. But, she won't be taking it to work or to run errands simply because she just doesn't want to drive her own car that she picked out and paid for. Am I wrong here?