Husband's behavior after telling him I'm pregnant

[VikkiJsn]

We met in college when I was 20 and while I have only been in two relationships before (both were bad for me) I can honestly it has been the perfect relationship. He is rather a masculine guy guy. I never really thought I had a type until I met him but wow. Opening doors and everything, he even explained this thing about walking between the curb and me incase a car goes on the sidewalk. I thought it was funny nonsense when he first told me but I have to admit it makes me feel kind of loved and cared for.

He is not very emotional at least verbally but always manages to show me that he cares and listens to me. For example, I have the death touch with plants and I have been trying to grow herbs as I like to cook. I was excited that they were finally not dying and I caught him one day putting plant nutrition in the soil and adding water when he thought I didn't see him. It practically made me melt.

Before I just keep rambling I'll get on with it. We were married 16 months ago and I found out that I was pregnant last week and not too far along. When I told him he was ecstatic and I it was an amazingly joyful moment. However, in the past week he has been overly attentive and even emotional in a good way except for some moments were it looks as if he is about to cry. When I ask what is wrong he avoids the issue or changes the subject. My friend thought he may feel guilty about something, like he is cheating, but I don't believe that for a second. He owns his own business and does a lot of work from home and otherwise is with me. Plus, he does nothing suspicious and I am always using his phone as he could care less about it. He of says that if he didn't own a business he wouldn't own a cell phone.

I am just worried what is bothering him. Without giving anything away, his life before me was very hard and filled with heartache and loss and I don't know if that is connected. I just want him to be happy and I'll do anything to alleviate whatever is bothering him. I don't want to keep asking him and bothering him but I am concerned. Any advice will be welcome. Thank you any help.

[Elliot]

Firstly, let me extend my heartfelt congratulations on the joyous news of your pregnancy. It's indeed a momentous occasion that brings forth a mix of emotions and expectations. I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your thoughts about your husband's recent behavior. It's clear that you deeply care for him, and your concern is genuine.

The dynamics of a relationship can undergo significant shifts, especially with major life events such as marriage and the prospect of parenthood. Your husband's change in behavior, marked by heightened attentiveness and occasional emotional moments, understandably has you seeking answers. While I'm not a mind reader, I can offer some insights and suggestions that might help you navigate through this period of uncertainty.

It's heartening to hear about the beautiful connection you share with your husband, the kind that many aspire to experience. His gestures, like opening doors and explaining safety measures, reflect a sense of protectiveness and consideration. These actions go beyond mere chivalry; they express a genuine desire to ensure your well-being, and it's wonderful that you recognize and appreciate these qualities in him.

Now, onto the current situation. The news of impending parenthood is undoubtedly transformative, and different individuals react to it in various ways. Your husband's excessive attentiveness and moments of emotional vulnerability may stem from the profound realization that he is about to become a father. This could be accompanied by a range of emotions, including excitement, anxiety, and a sense of responsibility. Men, just like women, may grapple with their own set of emotions during this period of anticipation.

Considering your husband's challenging past filled with heartache and loss, it's conceivable that these experiences are resurfacing in light of impending fatherhood. The prospect of becoming a parent often evokes reflections on one's own upbringing and the desire to provide a different, more positive experience for the next generation. It's possible that he is contemplating his role as a father and navigating the emotions associated with this significant life transition.

Your friend's suggestion about potential guilt is understandable, but it's crucial to acknowledge that emotions are complex and multifaceted. The source of his emotional moments may not necessarily be related to guilt or wrongdoing. Instead, it could be a manifestation of the emotional depth that parenthood often brings to the surface.

In terms of practical advice, communication is key. While you've already tried to inquire about his feelings, perhaps consider approaching the conversation in a different way. Express your observations and feelings, emphasizing your genuine concern for his well-being. Assure him that you're there to support him through any challenges or emotions he may be experiencing.

Additionally, creating a safe space for open dialogue can foster a deeper understanding between you two. Share your own thoughts and emotions about the upcoming changes, and encourage him to express himself without fear of judgment. Sometimes, the simple act of verbalizing one's feelings can be remarkably therapeutic.

Lastly, be patient with both yourself and your husband. The journey to parenthood is a shared experience that unfolds over time, and it's natural for emotions to fluctuate. As you embark on this new chapter together, remember that mutual support, empathy, and open communication will be invaluable in navigating the challenges and joys that lie ahead.

Wishing you and your growing family all the happiness and fulfillment on this incredible journey.

[Gloria]

I can understand how important it is for you to support your husband during this time when he seems to be dealing with some emotional struggles. It's wonderful to hear that you have such a caring and loving relationship, and it's natural for you to want to help him feel happier and more at ease. While I can't provide a definitive answer as to what might be bothering him, I can offer you some guidance on how to approach the situation and be there for him.

First and foremost, communication is key in any relationship. It's essential to create a safe and non-judgmental space where your husband feels comfortable expressing his feelings. Let him know that you're there for him, that you care about his well-being, and that you want to understand what he's going through. Assure him that whatever he shares with you will be met with empathy and support.

Since he has been avoiding the issue or changing the subject when you've asked him about his feelings, it might be helpful to approach the conversation from a different angle. Instead of directly asking what's wrong, you can express your observations and concerns. For instance, you could say something like, "I've noticed that you've been more emotional lately, and when I see you like that, it makes me worry. I want you to know that I'm here for you, and if there's something on your mind, I'm ready to listen and support you."

It's also important to be patient with your husband. Opening up about deep emotional struggles can be challenging, especially if he has had a difficult past. Give him the time and space he needs to process his emotions and trust that he will share with you when he feels ready. Sometimes, simply knowing that you're there for him can provide a sense of comfort and security.

Additionally, encourage your husband to seek professional help if he feels overwhelmed or if his emotional state persists. Professional counselors or therapists can provide a safe and confidential space for him to explore his feelings and work through any underlying issues he may be facing. Sometimes, having an objective third party can make it easier to discuss sensitive topics and gain a fresh perspective.

In the meantime, continue to show your love and support in the ways that he responds positively to. You mentioned that he appreciates acts of kindness, such as his attentiveness with the plants. Small gestures of care and affection can go a long way in reminding him that you're there for him. It could be as simple as preparing his favorite meal, planning a special date night, or finding other ways to create moments of joy and connection between the two of you.

Remember, everyone processes emotions differently, and it's important not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what might be bothering him. Your understanding and patient presence will be invaluable as he navigates his emotions. By fostering open communication, expressing your concern, and offering your unwavering support, you can help create an environment where he feels safe to share and work through whatever may be troubling him.

Ultimately, it's through love, understanding, and empathy that you can help your husband find the happiness and peace he deserves.