Should I Contact Him If He Hasn't Contacted Me?

[Nora]

I really value a mans opinion. I have been dating for about 6 months now and about 3 months ago I met a very nice man @ my church.

About a month later we started dating so we've been just dating for about 2 months now. I'm still seeing other guys, but we've been seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week.

He's been absolutely wonderful and I find myself enjoying his company.

We've been on some very expensive dates, it doesn't matter to me what we do though, it just feels good spending time with him, but he HAS been very generous and giving.

The problem is the better part of a week has gone by with almost no contact.

He is scheduled to leave town tomorrow for business for 2 weeks and it feels really weird that we haven't seen each other this week, since we've been seeing each other 2-3 times a week.

He sent a text at the start of the week saying, "Good morning gorgeous. Have a great Monday." I replied back to him, but nothing...

So whats going on? Should I call? Text? Wait to hear from him when he gets back? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

My mind is trying to go back and reply things to see if I did anything 'wrong' and its also saying 'oh he's just busy with work,
etc."

Maybe I was putting out a stronger vibe that when we first started dating? I just don't know.

My mom tells me to text him, because he might feel like hes put out all this effort, and that I'm not reciprocating (I don't know how this would be the case though, I've made time for him, let him kiss me, been very open to his company, am I missing something? Do I need to do something else?)

The truth is, it feels crappy, and I'm feeling confused as to what would be the best thing to do.

What do you think? Thank you!"

[Nicolas]

Your question touches upon a topic that most women will encounter sooner than later in their “courting lives”... for sure.

If you have had a pattern of communication with a man for a couple of months that suddenly changes out of the blue I think it is reasonable to wonder what happened.

I would pick up the phone... call him and ask him if everything is alright over there... nothing more than that... then when he calls back... just let him talk.... DO NOT make assumptions or force the issue... he will tell you whatever needs to be said.

If, however... he makes "small talk" for a good ten minutes as if nothing ever happened... feel absolutely free to simply state that it was “unusual” not to hear from him for four days... then again... let him talk.

Admittedly... it is flat out bizarre that he would text you with something so positive and THEN fall off the map like that... it safe to say SOMETHING is up for sure... and it could really be ANYTHING... and likely NOT something that kept him out of the communication loop for four full days.

With that in mind... I have to prepare you... even if things looked rosy on the surface... it is not typical of a man who is really psyched about a woman to leave her hanging for four days after having been in the habit of seeing her a few times a week.

Unfortunately... lots of men are very bad at coming clean and providing closure with women they are no longer interested in... they tend to really... really dread negative emotional responses from women... it is not that they are bad men necessarily... it is just that they are wusses... plain and simple.

Then again... he could call you right as I am typing this reply to you and everything will be fine... he may have broken down in the desert with no cell phone signal and rescued by a helicopter just this afternoon... maybe he did pass out cold and has been in a coma at the local hospital since Monday afternoon... even then... I would to hear the explanation spoken in plain English... and nether of the above scenarios is likely... of course.

And no matter what... a quick call from you at this point when the pattern has clearly shifted is not needy or clingy... on the contrary... it is indicative of “self respect.”

Meanwhile... enjoy being social with the other men you are “meeting” up with... you are in the position to be the "chooser" rather than the "chaser."

Oh... and by the way... him calling you THREE MONTHS from now as if everything is "fine" would NOT be "fine."

Let me know how you get on.

[Ella]

If your boyfriend hasn't called for days your immediate, guttural reaction is going to be to call him and demand to know where he's been. That sounds familiar, doesn't it? It's understandable that you'd want to confront him since you feel neglected and forgotten. Do everything in your power to not do this though. You have to take a different approach than simply getting upset and cornering him. You need to show him that his behavior is completely unacceptable and that you have better things to do with your time than sit around waiting for him. The easiest and most effective way to get this message across is to ignore him. Although this may sound like you're playing a game with him, you're not. You are simply showing him that when he doesn't take out the time to contact you, you're not going to wait around for him. It's really quite simple.

Once you let a few days pass without reaching out to your boyfriend, you'll be pleasantly surprised by how attentive he becomes. Once a man starts to sense that the woman he's with isn't chasing after him anymore, he'll start chasing after her again. Surprisingly it's often more beneficial to hold back and be patient than it is to push him in order to fix a problem. Once he fully realizes that your life doesn't revolve around him and that you're not going to call him if he hasn't called you, he'll change his behavior fast. It works. All you need to do is try the approach for yourself.

[Nora]

Thank you everyone for you candid advice!