Why does she keep pushing friendship?

[hellosaggy]

My ex girlfriend (2 1/2 years physically together, 6 months lDR, we've been broken up a year). I'm 35 and she's 32

We talked the entire time after we split. I came back to town after relocating and we met up and I ask her if we could date. she told me she has a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I still have feelings for her. I wished her luck with her life and I am trying to move on. I told her I don't want to just be friends, and she should have told me she had a boyfriend, especially because we have been friendly the entire time I was gone.

Now she keeps pushing a friendship when I am not interested, yes we've known each other 4 years, but I don't need the heart ache. I told her I can't do it. I can't treat her like a friend and be fake. She says its ok. but "we can still talk even though she has a boyfriend."

Why does she keep pushing the fact that "above all else, we are friends, even if I refuse to talk to her"?

[Laquisha]

Just because she doesnt want to date you doesnt mean she doesnt like you. She probably see qualities in you she doesnt want to lose. Or maybe she wants to keep you around as an option.

But if you are not interested in being in her life at all and if she insists on being friends even though you said you are not interested then you should just cut contact completly.

[Sandra]

It's easy to let your feelings guide you into not considering the idea when your ex girlfriend wants to be friends. There is such a stark difference in the definition of a simple friend and a girlfriend that you may not feel you can emotionally handle seeing the woman you love in this context. It means not being able to express fully how you feel, no hand holding and absolutely no kissing. However, if you try and look at it from another perspective you can see that being her friend has one major advantage, and that's that you can still be an integral part of her life. You can position yourself as a non-threatening friend while you work towards your ultimate goal of getting her back.

The reason she asked you to stay friends with her is because she cares for you. You can use that to your advantage by respecting her wish. When your ex girlfriend wants to be friends don't fuss and complain about how you want more. Instead accept that she still has feelings for you and set out to become the best friend she has. Lend an ear and a hand anytime you can and make it clear that you support and respect her. Don't inundate her with requests to get back together and don't reminisce about the past. Let nature take its course and in time she'll start to look at you the way she used to. You need to rebuild her trust and appreciation and being her friend is the best possible way to do that.

[Bill]

In order to get your ex girlfriend back when she wants to be friends, you must be the one in control. There is probability that she is the one in control at the moment. When you turn out to be the one in control, you will succeed in pulling your ex back to you. The key here is to make yourself not readily available. The fact is that, your ex girlfriend is not going to come back to you when she feels you are always there for her. Making yourself readily available will kill the sexual tension between both of you. Also, overly pushing your ex can do more harm than good too. To win her back, you need to create a mix of the two.

Making your ex girlfriend invest in you is another important step to avoid the "friend zone". You need to make your ex girlfriend work to get your attention. She is going to see you as a man with low self-esteem if you are readily available. Naturally, as humans we don't want to associate with people with low self-esteem. In order to get your ex girlfriend back when she just wants to be friends, your must avoid all the mannerisms of low self-esteem.

As stated earlier, when your ex girlfriend says she wants to be friends, your response should be NO. You must avoid the "friend zone" by all means. Then, make yourself not readily available to her. This will make her see how important you are in her life.